Love me or hate me.
Know me, dont judge me.
I'm just a girl who lives in this ordinary world. ♥
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Wednesday, October 21
Now that I am only working. I have no exams to worry about. I have been thinking about my relationships. I wonder if i'm a person who has very high expectations of my partner. I was reading through my blog entries and about those with ken. I remember just 5 months ago, this relationship was starting to build up.. and i feel that its falling apart now. I don't know how to save it. I don't know what has gotten into me.
I guess i'm undeserving of Ken. I guess i'm not a good girlfriend,and i'm not the one for him.
I have drifted from him. I don't know how to close the gap between us. I know he's trying but i'm just so switched off, rejecting everything that he does.
I just cant explain it.
Thursday, September 24
My mum drives me crazy and i cannot take it anymore.
Monday, August 10
its sunshine after the rain!
after that rough week, we sorted out our problems.. and now we're as good as can be, and i'm grateful that things turned out for the better. =)
i love my job and i love the kids. =)
Friday, July 17
i have a pimple on my eye lid and it hurts like hell.
everyday, for the past few months, i've been asking myself the same question over and over again. "should i stay or should i go". The prob is, i've tried talking, but nothing seems to change.
I dont know the reason behind what i'm feeling, is it that my expectations are just too high?
Thursday, July 16
i wonder why i'm still feeling the same...
i guess some things cant be replaced and it never will.
Sunday, July 12
maybe i cant be the best daughter, maybe i cant be the best girlfriend and maybe i cant be the best friend.
i think i'm too flawed and i'm trying to cover it up with many lies and deceit. Maybe i'm living in denial.
Maybe i dont deserve the people around me. Maybe i'm too self centered.
change, i need to change. i have to change...
Friday, July 10
i guess i can never do things right. and yes, morale = 0.
i hate this feeling.
Thursday, June 25
The greatest flaw that i possess is that i give up too easily. Once i'm faced with an obstacle and somehow i cant quite solve it, i just want to give it up. And i cant help but to think that i'm to be blamed. I know i've not faced with this particular problem before, thus i'm unable to handle it. I dont like what i'm feeling right now and i dont know what to do about it. I just want things to be perfect, but life isnt perfect.
Friday, June 12
i know what i need right now. i feel like getting drunk and cry my eyes out and not bother about anyhing.
i think i just need to break down one last time and move on with life.
Char introduced this song to me and she said this song would probably be one that i could relate to. After hearing it, how true it is.
Hush Hush
I never needed you to be strong I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs I never needed pain, I never needed strain My love for you is strong enough you should have known I never needed you for judgment I never needed you to question what I spend I never ask for help I take care of myself I don’t why you think you got a hold on me
And it’s a little late for conversations There isn’t anything for you to say And my eyes hurt, hands shiver So look at me and listen to me because…
I don’t want to stay another minute I don’t want you to say a single word Hush hush Hush hush There is no other way, I get the final say Because… I don’t want to, do this any longer I don’t want you, theres nothing left to say Hush hush Hush hush I’ve already spoken, our love is broken Baby hush hush
I never needed your corrections On everything from how I act to what I say I never needed words I never needed hurts I never needed you to be there everyday I’m sorry for the way I let go From everything I wanted when you came along But I am never beaten, broken not defeated I know next to you is not where I belong
And it’s a little late for explanations There isn’t anything that you can do And my eyes hurt, hands shiver So you will listen when I say baby…
I don’t want to stay another minute I don’t want you to say a single word Hush hush Hush hush There is no other way, I get the final say Because… I don’t want to do this any longer I don’t want you there’s nothing left to say Hush hush Hush hush I’ve already spoken, our love is broken Baby hush hush
No more words No more lies No more crying
No more pain No more hurt No more trying
I don’t want to stay another minute I don’t want you to say a single word Hush hush Hush hush There is no other way, I get the final say Because… I don’t want to, do this any longer I don’t want you, theres nothing left to say Hush hush Hush hush I’ve already spoken, our love is broken Baby hush hush
Tuesday, June 9
Think i'm feeling very stressed up about everything. Dad's condition is not very good. Didnt tell anyone much cos i really dont wanna talk about it.I guess i'm trying very hard to avoid it,been telling myself to live life as it is. I dont want to face the truth of losing my dad. Does anyone understand it? No, i dont even think my boyfriend does.I dont even tell him that i've been moody and down because of what's going on at home. Mum's bloody stressed up, screams at everyone.Dad gets upset, i get irritated. No one's happy. But does anyone know that we're supposed to make Dad HAPPY? everyone's drowning in their own troubles that no one tries to make my dad happy. Everyday, my dad looks super upset,worrying about my mum and her temper, worrying about his condition.
And honestly, I want to turn to him but find myself a burden and he's always busy with his things. I think i'm bottling everything up right now. I promised to go back to help out for the up comin dragon boat race, HOPING to spend abit more time with my boyfriend, but i end up getting so stressed cos on the other hand, my mum's scolding me for not taking care of the family, and when i stay home, my dad nags at me for not exercising.i cant spend time with my boyfriend, and it doesnt help that he's always tired from training,and he has to be home early cos there's training the next day.
i somehow hate it. i really do. and i'm trying my very best.
Does anyone know how sickening this feeling is? it fucking sucks.
It sucks to be me, really.
Monday, June 8
everytime i have PMS, i feel like i'm suffering from a mid-life crisis. dont know why though.
Thursday, May 21
finally, i ran after 6 months. and i hereby proclaim myself as PHYSICALLY UNFIT! =(
Saturday, May 2
I wish my life would be stagnent. I wish i dont have to worry about so many things. It gets pretty sickening to have to worry about 101 things at the same time.
Dont you wish you were an anime character? To live where you were drawn to be. To live in a place with fresh green grass at every step u take, with wild flowers and butterflies following you everywhere you go.Birds chirping on every treetop,blue skies and cool breeze. And it feels nice to have your hair flying with the wind.
A random thought but how i wish i was an anime character.
Friday, May 1
i swear upon my life, heart and my living soul that i am never ever ever gonna make an illegal turn anymore. Not after what just happened.I am never never gonna be a reckless driver ever again....
Saturday, April 25
Do we really treasure someone whom we loved so dearly only after they're gone?
Now lets look back and ask ourselves if we've done these things to/for our loved ones in 2009.
1) Despite having a hectic schedule, slow down once awhile and tell your dear ones that you love them and care for them?
2) Small actions to show them that you're still there for them?
3) Give them a hug or two just to comfort them?
4) Noticed that they've been rather upset for the whole day?
5) Have a conversation about them and them only?(showing that you're still interested in them?
well, if you never had the habit. DO START NOW because time is running out. No one is certain for sure when the time left you have WITH them is limited.
Because when they're gone..... Sometimes, they're gone forever.
I know time is running out. And once time has run out, there's none left for me. And there's no more turning back. Neither is there a 2nd chance given. Because life is cruel, it's never fair. It snatches your love away from you. No room for regret because nothing can be done.
And when the time comes, I have to let him go with no regrets. Knowing that i have done my best for him, and i couldnt have been better. Knowing that i have been by his side, giving him all the support i can ever give.
Friday, April 24
1001 emotions i'm dealing with right now. Had an emotional talk with bestie on the way home. The only person i can turn to right now, everyone's having exams, and i dont wanna be a burden to anyone.
i have a problem trying to find myself . Not with all the bottled up emotions. One thing leads to another, one problem leads to another.
I am very very troubled. And honestly, i feel like going for councelling. But i know it wldnt be of any help. It's hard to solve the problems i have on hand. More bad news for my dad.
There's so much i can take and so much i can handle. Sometimes, i know its too much for my little brain to absorb and think for solutions.
I am fortunate, yet unfortunate. I'm the only child, yet not everyone faces what i'm facing. No siblings to share my burden. This burden i'm carrying, its really really very heavy.
i feel like a lost girl. No one can give me advise because no one can understand how i feel because they've not been in my position. Or maybe they can relate to the particular unfortunate event that happened in my life. But i have never met anyone who has gone or is going through what i am going through right now, everything being thrown at your face. i think i'm on the edge of breaking down real bad.
sometimes i feel so alone even though i have friends around me. and i find myself not really myself lately, i have been spacing out every other minute. feels like i'm always in a daze, and i dont smile as much anymore. i feel very sad.
Been praying every other minute of the day. I need to find my feet. I need to be strong.
I want a life that most single children have. The life that people always sterotype how a single child's life should be.
Every night i go to sleep, thinking that tomorrow's a brand new day and things will be better. But it isnt. I dont know if i am deceiving myself.
I'm trying, still trying..
Wednesday, April 22
Isnt it too late to treasure the one you used to love after you've lost her?
Its too late, too sad...
Tuesday, April 21
I am suck in Ngee Ann Library trying so damned hard to study. But production = -10. Munching the hours away, dozing off once in a while because of the effect of the cough medicine. I wished I am better, but i'm still coughin my nights away and i'm lacking of sleep. The nights are so darn hot that i actually perspire when i sleep! i cant turn on the air con and with the fan blowing straight at me, I still perspire like mad. =( I feel like a pig. =(
HAIYA... feel damn terrible la!
Friday, April 17
Almost Lover-A Fine Frenzy
Your fingertips across my skin The palm trees swaying in the wind Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies The sweetest sadness in your eyes Clever trick
I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye my almost lover Goodbye my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be
So long my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should have known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street You took my hand and danced with me Images
And when you left you kissed my lips You told me you would never ever forget these images No
I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye my almost lover Goodbye my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be
So long my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should have known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean I cannot drive the streets at night I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted And I'll bet you are just fine Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life
Goodbye my almost lover Goodbye my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be
So long my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should have known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do
Thursday, April 16
I am pretty much pissed right now. I dont know what to say, but when i try to make things right, EVERYTHING always doesnt turn out right.
i am pissed.. not at anybody, just at the sequence of events and the tone that dad gave me and the screaming that i am going to get from mum later.
i am in a damn lousy mood.
Just as i am trying to make everything perfect. Everything isnt perfect for me.
Tuesday, April 14
It sucks to be sick at this present moment. Time wasted and my studying time has shortened. Dang the flu bug.Thanks for attacking me at the wrong time. And i'm now waiting for the drowsiness to take over my soul. I think i'm sprouting nonsense..
Saturday, April 11
Time flies as fast as how the lightning strikes. I know its not the best description but its 12am on a Sat morning and i have a 7 hour lecture from 10am to 5pm on Saturday and on Sunday.. its totally draining. Anyway, back to the point, I just realised that next week marks our 5th month of being together.
And i love him more then ever! =)
But damnit, bad timing. the darn exams around the corner.. And i'm growing fatter day by day.
And.. i dont know what else to blog about. i think i've became a B O R I N G person. =(
Monday, April 6
In the mids of trying to sort out my horrible notes. Van introduced me to PhotoFunia. Cool stuff there.
And i thought about the caption for this photo. " Our love story" .
Soooo sweeetttt!!!
My life has been pretty much mundane. Study, eat, surf the net, watch tv, study, eat, study eat.
I think i'm 2kg heavier now. stressed, the much awaited stress has finally befallen upon me!!
oh boy. i need to handle it. Like a MAN!. =)
Thursday, April 2
Why cant i have a perfect body?i'm not only talking the slim body, long legs, but i mean being healthy. My IBS( irritable bowel syndrome) is killing me too!!! just to enlighten you, here's an explanation about what IBS is. I understand that not many people heard of this before, me neither. If it wasnt for me having IBS, i wouldnt even know this existed.
What is irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)?
Irritable bowel syndrome is a disorder characterized most commonly by cramping, abdominal pain, bloating, constipation, and diarrhea. IBS causes a great deal of discomfort and distress, but it does not permanently harm the intestines and does not lead to a serious disease, such as cancer. Most people can control their symptoms with diet, stress management, and prescribed medications. For some people, however, IBS can be disabling. They may be unable to work, attend social events, or even travel short distances.
What are the symptoms of IBS? Abdominal pain, bloating, and discomfort are the main symptoms of IBS. However, symptoms can vary from person to person. Some people have constipation, which means hard, difficult-to-pass, or infrequent bowel movements. Often these people report straining and cramping when trying to have a bowel movement but cannot eliminate any stool, or they are able to eliminate only a small amount. If they are able to have a bowel movement, there may be mucus in it, which is a fluid that moistens and protect passages in the digestive system. Some people with IBS experience diarrhea, which is frequent, loose, watery, stools. People with diarrhea frequently feel an urgent and uncontrollable need to have a bowel movement. Other people with IBS alternate between constipation and diarrhea. Sometimes people find that their symptoms subside for a few months and then return, while others report a constant worsening of symptoms over time.
Symptoms include -Abdominal pain or discomfort for at least 12 weeks out of the previous 12 months. These 12 weeks do not have to be consecutive. -The abdominal pain or discomfort has two of the following three features: +It is relieved by having a bowel movement. +When it starts, there is a change in how often you have a bowel movement. +When it starts, there is a change in the form of the stool or the way it looks.
-Certain symptoms must also be present, such as +a change in frequency of bowel movements +a change in appearance of bowel movements +feelings of uncontrollable urgency to have a bowel movement +difficulty or inability to pass stool +mucus in the stool +bloating
Researchers have found that women with IBS may have more symptoms during their menstrual periods, suggesting that reproductive hormones can worsen IBS problems. In addition, people with IBS frequently suffer from depression and anxiety, which can worsen symptoms. Similarly, the symptoms associated with IBS can cause a person to feel depressed and anxious. well, there is no cure to IBS, and yes, it can be HELL.. those symptoms as mentioned above, is EXACTLY what i'm experiencing.AND IT IS SO NOT COOL! quite alot of suffering actually. I have to literally RUN to the toilet suddenly a few times a day. And i have DIARRHOEA ALL YEAR ROUND!.. sighs..
Why cant i be perfect?
Sunday, March 29
I'm down with sore eyes!!! =( Show me some love! come cure my sore eyes!! =p
Saturday, March 28
where can i find the motivation to study??? where where where??? so screwed!!!! urgh!
Tuesday, March 24
studying the afternoon and snacking all day long... soooo siannn.... =)
and sweetheart i love you so..
OMFG!!! i just saw a video from Zaihar's class.. and omg omg omg omg.. damnnnnnn DOPE!!! DOPE DOPE DOPE DOPE DOPE DOPE DOPE!! i wanna dance like now now now now now!!! =( i know by the time my exam's over,i'm a rusty old cow..
i miss dance!! i wanna dance dance dance!!!!!!!!
Saturday, March 21
Alright, i am going to copy and paste Wen Yang's latest blog post! (Wen Yang, dont sue me for plagiarism ok?) I am doing that because i kinda agree with him to a certain extent.
"She has strayed and it hurts like hell. A common phrase that some men often use. So how do men actually get out of this blazing train wreck and move on?
Most people say that infidelity is unacceptable. Despite this, we continue hearing stories about how illicit affairs do damage to couples. All it can take is a single moment of forbidden lust to destroy years of trust and deal a huge blow to one’s self esteem. There are many statistics to back this up but there’s one that caught my eye: At least one if five women will cheat on their partners in their lifetime. And if you’re wondering. The rate for men, isn’t too much higher away.
While there isn’t any doubt that a betrayal of such kind can quickly end a relationship no matter how short or long. There are couples that are able to cross this hurdle and make that long and arduous turn around that bend. If you are committed to forgiving your partner and moving on, realising that there are no quick fixes. Chances are, before the both of you actually can reach that “two-peas-in-a-pod” status again, you’ll likely have to open a huge can of worms and work on the weak spots in your relationship that were and all in likelihood, present even before the breach of trust occurred.
1. Dip deep: The plain and simple truth is that the healing process is not a walk in the park. Before any restoration will begin, first thing to do is to inspect what went wrong.
2. Get help: For many couples, the obvious is just under their noses. It just takes another objective perspective to see what it is.
3. Rebuild trust: Trust is essential and it’s something we often take for granted until it’s gone.
4. Letting go: As a victim of your partner’s betrayal, you’re bound to be plagued by thoughts of betrayal. It’s something you can’t run away from.
How to spot a cheating partner: 1. Mutual friends start acting strangely around you. 2. She stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you. 3. She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout programme. 4. She sets up a new email account and doesn’t tell you about it. 5. She starts to delete all incoming and outgoing phone calls from the called ID. 6. She deletes all incoming emails when they used to accumulate. 7. She suddenly wants to try new love-making techniques. 8.Your intuition tells you that something is not right. 9. She goes to the store for groceries and comes home five hours later.
Why women stray: 1. Loneliness - Partners spend more time at work, etc. 2. They allow friendships with “guy friends” to go too far. Constant proximity does stir up emotions a little. And admit it, guys can be jerks. Especially those who eye girls who are already in relationships. 3. Revenge is sweet. Women cheat to give their unfaithful partners a taste of their own medicine."
well, here's my part of the arguement. Yes, i agree that WOMEN DO STRAY. But it takes 2 hands to clap. Women dont stray unless they're unhappy with something. That means somehow somewhere in the relationship, something went wrong. Because WE are not satisfied in someway( and it does not mean sexually satisfied) . Women need to be given attention to IN ALL WAYS. Emotionally,mentally and physically being there for them and also sexually in the sense that woman wanna feel that they belong to you exclusively, a part of them that they wanna share with their partners. I believe if any of those elements is lacking, women would go fishing for it in some other men. So how do we settle this problem? Who should we side on now if we are given the situation where the woman DOES talk to the man bout her needs and her wants but the guy just doesnt understand and doesnt give it to her and she's still unsatisfied? Or given that they are worlds apart and the guy cant be with her 24/7?Would it be wrong if she goes in search for her own happiness?
I do stand for girls because we NEED ATTENTION. Every woman need to feel complete.Its a girl thing. Guys are more to the "heck-care" side, meaning that they're not so picky when it comes to those elements mentioned in the above. Girls are more sensitive by nature and they want the relationship to be perfect,they wanna feel complete. Thats why when on the of the elements is missing, they will search for the missing part to feel complete.It is just like you studying for you A levels, you cant do well for your prelims, and you current tutor is not fulfilling our dreams and your wants, therefore you go in search for another tutor in the mean time. Its not like totally wrong right?
And thus, men should also pay attention to their ladies and make sure that they can handle them as well as their workload etc.etc. So for men, if you cant do it, DONT find yourself a woman because you wont be able to handle her.
And after all that i've said, i think that if women are unhappy with their relationship, they should just move on.
Friday, March 20
I pray for strength and endurance through this period. Its a mind over body thing. I have been reminding myself constantly that this is the future of me. I need this, i need to work hard. I need to get good grades and earn more money. WORK HARD WORK HARD WORK HARD!
Once awhile my body slips into the lazy mode and I cant seem to be able to get it back to work. Frustrated and irritated, at the end of the day, my progress for studying is as good as none. Or so i believe.
I have already sacrificed dance till the end of May. I am not dancing one bit, with this sacrifice made, i have to maximise my time.... i must i must i must!
Dear Cheryl,
Please study hard now, or you will regret later. you only have one chance and make full use of it. At the end of the day, its your future that you're screwing around with, not anyone else's life. Do it FOR yourself.. and you effort will be paid off.
My gentle reminder.
and now, i'm off to studying.
This is just to channel my stress and frustrations with myself. Hope no one thinks i'm mentally unsound. =)
I am a very proud owner of the new Asus F6Vseries and the All-In-One Deskjet pinter (scanner,copier and printer). woohoo!!! Love my new laptop to the max! I can play Left 4 Dead and Dota!!! wohooo!!! love it love it love it!!! And now,i can kiss my lousy Acer laptop goodbye!!! mwhahahahah!!! Thanks mum!!
i'm sooo happy !!! =) now i can do everything in my room!! that means i can camp in my room for days..
I realised that i saved quite abit of money because i havent been going out.Which is a very good thing. Gonna study tomorrow! woooo!!! ok. i'm usually not this high about studying. But i couldnt be happier. =)
Monday, March 16
I AM SO BLOODY *****ING PISSED! what happened to the justice in the world???? Where has it gone too?
Remembered this case of a father from Austria who imprisoned his daughter for 24 years in the cellar under his house and fathered 7 children of his own? He regularly raped his daughter for a period of 24 years!! and her children have seen no sunlight or fresh air. Just came across the article that he pleads guilty of incest and you know what charges his faces?? UP TO 15 YEARS!!! WHAT THE FUCK!! HE RAPED HIS DAUGHTER FOR 24 FUCKING YEARS AND ALL HE GETS IS A (UP-TO-15 )YEAR JAIL TERM???????????????????????
i feel like killing this man. And you know one of his daughter's baby was still born and he burnt the baby in a boiler in the cellar!
WHY IS THIS MONSTER ONLY CHARGED FOR 15 YEARS?????? i know he's 73. BUT UP TO 15 means it can be A SHORTER JAIL TERM!!!!
wtf wtf wtf wtf!! i'm speechless... my blood's boiling and i feel like killing this man. i feel like torturing him but cutting his penis into pieces and leave it dangling from his body, dig his balls out and cut out his muscles from his arms and legs, slid his stomach and hang him from his wrist. Leaving him to die slowly.
Why do the world's most hideous monster be let of on a short jail term? i really really really dont understand...
It was our 4th Monthsary yesterday. And we had the most romantic time watching the movie "Coming soon". Know what my reason for watching it??So Ken could hug me when i was scared ( which was throughout the whole movie).. and YES! i got what i wanted (at the expense of my leg cramping up).. And due to the pre-examination stress and the PMS, was pretty moody today. But i tried my very best to make it a happy day! I do hope i succeeded though. And i saw PRETTY GOLDEN SHOES by Suppa! and you know how much it cost? 350 bucks!
And i was a tiny winneeyyy bit of narcissistic when i reached home awhile ago. heh!
oh well.. now that play time's over. time for the mad mugging session!! =) Hope all will be well. =)
the best picture for the day. =)
wooo~~~
i cant describe this picture..
this too!
Thursday, March 12
It is 4.30am in the morning and I'm suffering from Insomnia once again. For the past few days, i've been getting to sleep with the help of my Flu tablets(those that will cause drowsiness) and have been sleeping rather peacefully, and of course, i overslept. And I have been waking up feeling groggy.
My plan tonight was to go to sleep without popping the Flu tablets. Geez, the plan failed miserably, and i've been tossing and turning in bed for 4 friggin hours. I wanted to wake up early tomorrow to do my maths. But I guess i'll be waking up just in time for tuition. I think deep down inside, I'm feeling a lil stressed out and freaked out by the fact that the examination is just 7 weeks away. And half of my mind is telling me that there's no hope while the other half of me is trying to pick up the momentum to study but Maths is draining me of my brain juices. I need a miracle. Like seriously.
I just took the Flu tablet and i think i'm gonna knock out in 20 mins time. I dont want to sleep so un-naturally but i cant help it. Stress is slowing biting my ass away. Decided to release some stress yesterday by playing Left 4 Dead. I guess shouting in the Lan shop DO help me release the tension somehow. And i walk out of the Lan shop feeling refreshed. Its like, taking 2 hours of your time and indulge yourself in the world of fiction. Oblivious to the outside world. I guess Left 4 Dead is my official examination stress therapy. Shopping is obviously out because i end up feeling guilty, which is definitely not helping to curb my stress. I need more productive studying. i need, i must, i must achieve. I feel like yanking my hair out at this moment. I feel so screwed. And i think that helping myself to release the stress is by avoiding it. And thus, i'm tryin not to study. WHICH IS NOT GOOD! i need to think of a better way.
My determination and will-power is so bloody pathetic. No wonder i can never get anywhere in life. I suck. grr! I'm so pissed with myself.
Why cant i be like Kenichi? Why cant i have that immense amount of discipline like he does? I know it is instilled in him . But WHY cant i be like that? i totally lack of it. which now separates me from him. Because he's the hardworker, i'm the sick-ass slacker. I cant help but compare myself to him. i need a slap on the face.
WAKE UP CHERYL WAKE UP!
I hope this period will end soon. And i'm falling alseep now.
Ciaos.
Wednesday, March 11
As you can see, updating my blog isn't my 1st priority.Been busy with dance and a tiny winy bit of studying. But i think its time i should at least scribble something here.
Dance Works'09 has come to an end. And i'm very proud of Dreamwerkz aka DWZ for achieving the "MOST ARTISTIC AWARD" woohoo!!! crongrats my babies! after 2 months of hard work and tears and perspiration, our efforts have finally paid off. I am so glad we didnt go home empty handed. =)
A HUGE THANK YOU to those who came down to support me despite of the large crowd and the rainy weather.You guys still came down to support me. I AM EXTREMELY GRATEFUL to you all. Thank you thank you.
Thank you daddy and mummy for making it down to my competition. FINALLY the came to support me!!
A special thanks to my boy for getting me the cutesy bear, and for MAKING it for me @ the Build a Bear store. =) thanks for doing it even though all the kids were looking at you. LOVE YOU BOY!
Heres the video of our item :
And some pictures!
He loves my hair!
me and meishan~!
me and Wan!
Thursday, February 26
my studying has been non-progressive. how how how how how?? tomorrow's my first paper for prelims and i'm not even half done with the subject! screw it la. am pretty pissed with everything. Dance is starting to get stressful as it is only a week left to the Competition and there's just too much things to do.
Took a break last night from studying. And i'm wondering how in the world am i going to pass my econs paper. But Thank GOD that this is not my real exams or I'd be ROTTING DEAD MEAT. Cant concentrate, bad bad bad.
And I'm gonna head straight home after dance practice to mug. Decided not to go for Allegra's class for the beginners. Or else i would be heading straight to bed after dance and i cant afford that.
Raining heavily now. stuck at home. And i have half the mind to start mugging again.
OK. i have decided not to go for dance and to stay home and study.
-go Cheryl! you can do it!-
Tuesday, February 24
Studying has been rather unproductive for me. I spend my days dancing and dancing and dancing. There's an upcoming dance competition, Dance Works 2009. Its on the 7th March (Saturday) at Plaza Sing. As for the timing wise. i think its around 2pm. Well, this explains me dancing every day. It got a lil bad that i was bed-ridden one day. It was the day after the filming for Police and Thief. And i'm not sure if i'm going to watch myself on TV, think i'd look ridiculously stupid dancing.
Been trying my best to study whenever i can( but definitely not now) i dont seem to feel stress. and this is not good! As the chinese saying goes ," last minute hug buddah's leg" ahahha... my direct translation from the chinese saying. i would usually kiss and hug and clean buddah's leg. I know it wont work for me this time round. so i'm practically on my own.
And i've been having this strange feeling recently, its bugging me to give everything up. Dance, Relationship, studies. I dont know why, but i just dont feel like myself lately. And yes.. i know.. i think its PMS.And it didnt help that i had that dream 2 days ago that made me so emo. Sometimes, its not that we dont want to let go of the past. Its the memories of the past that we have that kills us and even though we're supposed to hold on to the sweet memories and move on. Holding on to those memories WONT allow you to move on because you'll be living in the memories. And your mind would want to travel back to the past. So tell me HOW on earth can you move on? Beats me. Dont get me wrong. I'm not trying to compare relationships here . Just saying that there are some memories that you just cant hold on to because it breaks you but you cant forget them because they are memories. The only way i can think of, that makes you erase the memories is to get involved in an accident and you suffering from head concussion. That will definitely wipe ALL your memories away. Its just like buying a new thumb drive. Sighs, how i wished i have a boyfriend who would sweep me off my feet and makes me fall in love over and over and over again. Someone who gives me new excitement. well... its just a wish. Dont we all have wishes too? AGAIN! Dont get me wrong, i love my boyfriend. But everyone's different. We dont get to date our dream guy/girl. Then again, even if you do, you might not be happy too because you just dont feel for him as much as you thought you would. So yea, i'm just blogging my thoughts, FYI, i tend to think ALOT. I'm not putting my boyfriend down or what-so-ever. So dont get the wrong idea.
My mood at this current is PERFECTLY NORMAL... AS normal as this.!
and i realised i'm image conscious. err.. i dont quite like my 2 front teeth. makes me look like a rabbit. honestly, i hate it. But i think its retarded to spend a thousand bucks or two just to put braces for me 2 front teeth right? oh well... i'm still trying to deal with it.
And after spending 15 mins on blogging, i realised i dont know where this entry is leading to. There's no conclusion for this. well.. This is my Random Thinking. =)
oh and before i forget. Left 4 dead is AWESOMEEEEEEE !! i'm addicted to it!! woohoo!! =)
And here is the details for my dance competition. Do come down and support SIM-Dreamwerkz okie?
DANCE WORKS'09 7TH MARCH 2009 (SATURDAY) PLAZA SINGAPURA 2PM-5PM.
Saturday, February 14
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY MY BABY!!! Valentine's Day is finally here!! well, its not the most special day of my life. But i'm still excited over it because for the 1st time in my life, i'm gonna make valentine's day present with my lovely valentine! =)
Well, half of my day would be spent with Ryan.Gonna have dance from 11.30 to 4pm. But its ok. As long as i can see my cuppycake, i'm happy! =)
blur but beautiful nevertheless..
we'll walk down this path together baby..
=)
i love this picture..
silly boy, you make me laugh. =)
'and you make me smile, even if its just for awhile.. i love you my silly boy
Friday, February 13
Came across my latin dance ranking for Jive.. and boy i missed it big time... i want this dance. i wanna dance. Rumba.. Jive!! Sighs, if only Yang wasnt like that, we'd still be dancing and we'll make history.. Miss dancing with him.. If only we could work together again. I really really want to dance, Latin dance in particular. The grace, the passion and the fire!!! I want to fill the dance floor with lots of passion and love.
Can i just dance and not study?? well.. just a thought....
Thursday, February 12
I am getting irritated with my laptop. 4 years old, its dead and gone! keeps hanging at the critical moments, just as i'm transferring my files. And my files disappeared after the lappy un-hanged itself. The IT show is coming soon. Its time to change a new laptop. It'd be my new baby!!! woohoo!! i just need a small handy laptop for me to surf, msn and listen to songs. I am a total NOOB when it comes to artsy programs. Am not an IT savy person so i'll just settle for a simple laptop. =)
I want to dance right now!!!
and i'm in the mood for sentimental love songs... =)
'hold me in your arms tonight and rock me till i'm sound asleep..
Wednesday, February 11
I am pretty much satisfied with myself today. Though i travelled ALL the way to Woodlands library to study and spent 3 hours doing one chapter. I am still happy because i knew i studied that chapter pretty much in detail.
In the mids of my studying, I received a phonecall from my tuition agency asking me if i have reached my tuition kid's house. And i realised that i was supposed to have my 1st lesson today.Luckily i managed to push the tuition to tomorrow. So i'll be tutoring 2 kids and dance in the evening. I am looking forward to dance! wooo!! love it to the maxxxx!! Ryan's choreo is damn DOPE! =) am loving it!
and i miss my boy..... lovely lovely boy. i think he's rushing to finish his project so that he can come over my house on Valentine's Day to make our present!! am really looking forward to Saturday!!!-prays for Saturday to come quick!- yayyyyy..
ITS Wednesday and I'm in LOVE!!!
and i love this picture of us too!!
Tuesday, February 10
NRA held the Post Production Party over the weekends at The Pavillion . The theme for the party was RETRO BABBY!!! And for the first time in my life, i actually PERMED my HAIR!!! it was BEAUTIFUL!!! loved the hair-do even though it only lasted half the night.Thanks to my beloved Jasmine who painstakingly stood there for 1 hour just to curl my hair. Thank you so much my dear!!! And now i have the urge to perm my hair for real!!
Had quite abit of fun that night. Some of the guys were dressed in super retro clothes and it was pretty hilarious, with the afro hair and all.. honestly, i really love dance people because they are so damn spontaneous about everything. Its a whole load of fun with them. If one acts stupid, everyone will act stupid together. Love this spirit! It definitely brightens your all-so-dull days. Hanging out with them just brings you lots of laughter all day long.
Went to IKEA with sweetie after class to shop for our D-I-Y Valentine's Day present. After 13847132 years, we finally ate Swedish Meatballs and chicken wings!! It was a scrumptious meal, a great treat for me after doing 2 1/2 hours of the head spinning Maths. I swear i hate mathematics!! It makes me go crazy!! Alright, back to where i was, we went Queensway Shopping Centre to shop a little. Sweetie bought a bag for training and nothing caught my eye really. Which was a blessing in disguise or else I'd be spending MORE money buying MORE shoes.. =)
I am looking forward to our Valantine's Day/3rd Monthsary!!! yayayayay!!!
and cheryl's gone for 10 months and i miss her like crazyyyyyyyyyy...
Anyway, some of the pictures i took over the weekends.
Me and Joel the retro uncle
Dreamwerks!!! LOVE YOU GUYS!
Me and JJ
Ok, i was bored, and this is hellua "ACT CUTE AH LIAN"
My nicely permed hair
at the end of the night, my curls were gone.. =(
Friday, February 6
This naughty girl didnt wake up for her morning class again! but its alright.I had a wonderful time today. Sweetie brought me to his friend's 21st birthday celebration at the Arts house. I must say, he has wonderful friends. =)
And i realised, its him being blur at times that makes me smile.He's the most decent guy i've ever met. He treats me like a gem and i feel loved.. I really appreciate every little thing he has done for me. I know that i did complain to my friends at the beginning. But everything is falling into place right now. I'm happy seeing him,even if its for a short while...
With this being said,it brings me to a conclusion....that unknowingly, i'm falling deeper in love with him.. and i feel this sense of happiness coming back to me. This wave of sweetness is sweeping through my body. Indulging and addictive. and i dont wanna lose him.never. =) I am willing to stand by him. Through thick and thin, and make this relationship last for as long as it takes.
Because i love him, really do.
just thinking bout it makes me feel fuzzy all over. =)
oh crap, this is a teary post.. Verena's telling me about Sk and i feel soooooo happy for her that she has a wonderful boyfriend... WE ARE THE LUCKIEST GIRLS EVER!!!!!!!!
I am so fortunate! i really am.. =)
Thursday, February 5
woohooo!!! I BOUGHT NEW SHOES!!! ... damnn! i just spent money again!! alright! i know shouldnt be justifying the money spent there... but but but.... -gives the sad eyes- it was so nice.... i really couldnt help it.. i'm a bloody sucker for perfumes and shoes.. dance shoes especially.. ahhh!!! okok. I promise NOT to buy anymore dance shoes. 5 pairs is ENOUGH! i need someone to spank me now! like now!! ken darling!! heee~~~ i do feel guilty spending so much money on these shoes. considering i just bought my limited edition Nike high cut dunks just last month.... ahhhh!!!!!!! i deserved to be chained up!!
its alight.. just take a look at the shoe... nice right?? the inside of the shoe is velvety. super duper comfy!
anyway, ken gave me the link to my favourite jap singer, Atari. His voice is as soothing as the sound of flowing water, its like my personal lullaby. Hearing his voice puts me to sleep,NOT in a bad way but it eases my mind instantly.. He's a very good singer indeed. =) just watch and you'll know what i mean. i know not everyone will be able to appreciate him, one man's meat is another man's poison. So, to those who can appreciate it, here is the video.
Tuesday, February 3
What do you do when you have nothing else to do other then studying? -Blog. i was bored out of my skin and decided to flip through my things. And I found poems that i've written a long long time ago, back when i was in my Secondary school days. And i'm amazed at the number of poems i wrote. Actually, i realised most of them were poems i wrote when i got dumped. how silly. But nevertheless, i feel like posting them up. =)
Here i go.......
This was written in either 2002 or 2003
Forget..
Ink Spreading across the page, we spoke once again of embracing each other in a moment of vanilla and nightfall.
The days are alike, sorrow fills our hearts. tears forming in my eyes, a cloud falling upon us.
We were learning to love, open up,take matters into our own hands. The hope held us tight. For 1 year my heart soared. Its wings stretching and spreading.
But these moments are finished, as we open the door, tangled with emotions, we whispered.... "Goodbye"
-by cheryl
Lost..
Darkness envelopes her.. as she plunges into total darkness.. she is blinded by the cruel world.. a world full of pain and sufferings..
silently cursing the world so unkind.. wishing she could escape into the other worlds.. but there isn't any place to run away..
she sits and stares. feeling lost and disorientated.. hot tears stream down her cheeks.. she screams... hoping that would it take away her pain.. but she still feels the same...
and nothing would change.... it never will...
-by cheryl
Missing you
the days have passed... but none without you in my heart.. i've said it once, and said it twice.. but once again i'll say it tonight.. i miss you now, and i'll miss you always.. till the day, i've found u my love, and fall into my arms, once again...
-by cheryl
OH! and this poem is my ALL TIME FAVOURITE...
You and Me
Dawning upon my memories, all that's left of you and me. We had so much to share, but now i'm living in despair. As you gloat over our past, those bitter-sweet memories we had, will always be close to my heart.
A tragic ending to our relationship. is now a living nightmare to me. I have to go on, without you here with me.
Many a times, you whispered into my ears, of words i wanted to hear. It sent my heart skipping, never did it stopped beating. This was how much you meant to me.
But its all over now. The pain in my heart, Is slowly subsiding.
As days pass, i'll grow stronger, like never before. And i'll be on my own two feet again. That was you, And this is me.
-by Cheryl
ok i'm pretty tired typing all the poems out.Thats all for now.. i cant believe i wrote that when i was 15 years old. talk about love huh? and yea, i was heart broken over and over again till i'm sick and tired of this love game. hahha... how much we believed in love when we were young. Now that we've all grown up. We'll ask, "What is love?". And we wont know the answer..
Money makes the world go crazy!
alright! time for some updates.
"All adult Singaporeans will get GST Credits of up to $1,000 to help them with the impact of the GST increase. Those who earn less or live in smaller homes will get more GST Credits. Nearly three-quarters of adult Singaporeans will get $800 each. NSFs and NSmen will also get a one-off $100 of GST Credits to recognise their contributions to national security."
And as part of the Financial Year 2009, the GST Credits and Senior Citizens' Bonus for 2009 will be doubled!! YAYNESS!!! thats uber good news!! cheers people! we'll get back the money we've given to the government!! FYI, the 1st GST offset package FIRST payout is on the 1 March 2009. So do check your bank accounts on that day! woohoo!! money money money! Well, if you have signed up for your GST Credits in 2007 and wish to donate your 2009 GST Credits, you may do so from 15 February to 23 June 2009 at the official website.. i think its www.gstoffset.gov.sg. To all the kind souls out there, please take note of the dates.
A big thank you to Mr Tharman Shanmugaratnam, our Minister for Finance who announced the Resilience Package totaling $20.5 billion this year. This is to help us Singaporeans see though this period of financial difficulty and Singapore to emerge with strength when the global economy recovers.
This is good news isnt it? NSF.. 100 bucks more! dang i wished i were an NSF. Then again , on second thoughts, having to go through 2 years of shit.. nah, i think i'll pass.. haha
I am suffering from extreme compulsive shopping behavior. Horrible! It has only been less then a week after chinese new year and my ang bao money's almost gone!!! KUDOS cheryl! you have just wasted money yet again... anyway. Am debating whether i should quit my job at the gym because i have another job offer that pays me at least 2 times more then the gym does, minus the long travelling time. Think i'll earn more money with this other job.
Had a double lunch date yest with my darling Cheryl and Wenyang. Brought them to "Sakuraya Fish Mart". 4 years of patronizing that place and it never fails to put a smile on my face. The salmon sashimi there THE BEST! You will moan with pure sweet pleasure when u take your first bite. YES! i mean MOAN. The sashimi is soo darn fresh and sweet that it is ORGASMIC!!And i mean it. Darling Cheryl loves it to the CORE! well, the picture speaks for itself. Screw Sake Sushi,Edo Sushi and sakura. This beats every single one of the express sushi bar with the salmon red plates that cost you 6 bucks and its damn unfresh. I bet you a million bucks that when you have your first bite of salmon sashimi at "Sakuraya Fish Mart" , you'll NOT want to eat any another salmon sashimi at sake sushi and the other sushi places. it is THAT GOOD!.
and after all the gorging of salmon sashimi, me and cheryl were contented. =)
I think i'm learning how to appreciate everything and to embrace the flaws of others. i must learn to be patient.. i must i must... I bet you're salivating now.. =p
me and lovely.
cheryl and wen yang
Cheryl had her farewell dinner over at her place last saturday. I couldnt help but feel sad. Dont want her to go overseas to study. i will miss her badly. =( . she's leaving on sunday.. SO SOON!!!! =(
I will miss you like crazy!!!
we'll miss you,cheryl
our silly little moments. =)
Tuesday, January 27
just came home from a movie.watched "love matters", a movie by jack neo. its not as funny as "money not enough 2", that movie was hilarious! And i finally got to hang out with vivian darling!! though i felt like a damn bright light bulb because she was with helmi. but its alright! i'm always the light bulb with my friends..
me and vivian darling!
anyway, banked in my ang bao money just now.. and almost half the money went to pay my credit card bills.. urgh!!!well.. the money collected this year is lesser then the previous years. all thanks to the economic downturn. and my cuzzie told me that she just got retrenched. hope she can get a job soon!
poor ken, while everyone's out visiting, my poor boy's going home early because he has to rush for his 7 projects. wished i could help him..but nevermind, i shall be supportive by being understanding!
oooo.. and i cant wait ti get my new lappie!! wheee~~~ i'm gonna chip in half and mum's gonna sponsor me the other half.. wheee~ this is something to look forward to!!
me and cuzzies!
me and cuzzies again!
I shall sidetrack a little.... This is my financial aim for 2009.
SAVE MONEY SAVE MONEY SAVE MONEY!!
Sunday, January 25
If i were a boy- beyonce
If I were a boy, even just for a day I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go Drink beer with the guys, and chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it Cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's taken you for granted And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy, I would turn off my phone Tell everyone it's broken so they think that I was sleeping alone I'd put myself first and make the rules as I go Cause I know that she'd be faithful, waiting for me to come home To come home
If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's taken you for granted And everything you had got destroyed
It's a little too late for you to come back Say it's just a mistake, think I'd forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you You got it wrong
But you're just a boy And you don't understand How it feels to love a girl someday You wish you were a better man You don't listen to her You don't care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wanted Because you've taken her for granted And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy
Dance today was superb! Learnt the choreography for "Circus- by Britney Spears" and the dance was swweeettt! Ryan simply dances right into our hearts.Am really motivated by him. You should have a good look at all our expressions on our faces when we see him dance every lesson. he is truly THE BEST! i am inspired to groove like him! go girl! you can do it!
Had 2 dance sessions again today. Danced from 12 to 3pm, and 5 to 6.30pm. i feel magically refreshed! i am loving every single moment of my life dancing and seeing myself improve as the days pass is very encouraging for me.I am very happy that my dance vocabulary is expanding every week!! well, expanding of the vocab does not necessarily only applies to the english language right? =)
Dance works'09 competition falls on the 7th or 8th of March. which leaves us not much time to get the choreography done and perfecting the routine before the big day comes. Its gonna be pretty stressful for me because I'm gonna have to juggle dance and studies. BUT! I'll gladly do it.. i am wiling to do ANYTHING for dance. i just love it too much to give it up. I'll keep on dancing no matter what happens and I'll do whatever it takes to keep the wild fire burning inside me .even if it means giving something up, i will gladly sacrifice it. i love it toooo much to EVER give it up. no one can stop me. this i am absolutely positively sure.
-hums the tune of "circus"-
honestly. dance IS my life.we live to dance.. "INSPIRE THE WORLD WITH MUSIC AND DANCE" this, is the purpose of every dancer today and i will live by it.
On a less serious note, went to Chinatown after class on friday. The crowd was crazy, and the people were packed like sardines. jasmine came down to look for me,and i decided to leave my other friends. Asked Ken to stay with them as i have already walked around chinatown for 5 hours straight on mon. Nothing very fantastic i must say,but you prolly could get quite abit of new year snacks over there. Tomorrow's the last day of 2008 and new year's gonna be the start of 2009. I pray that we can all get through this financial crisis, its gonna be tough, but we'll survive. =)
Wednesday, January 21
i dont quite know what went wrong with my blog.and i finally managed to squeeze time out to fix it. made pineapple tarties with my mother today and we made 244 tarties altogether. 1 bottle packed specially for kenichi and his family. hope he'll like it. =)
i cant quite explain why i dont have any mood for chinese new year.am wondering if its because i'm already getting older?i mean, as we grow older, chinese new year gets a lil boring.. and oh my, in like 6 years time, its gonna be my generation to give away red packets to our nephews and nieces. oh boy, time flies.. i dont wanna grow old... and i dont wanna get married! i'm reaching almost 1/4 of my life cycle and its depressing. looking back, 5 years ago, i was the angsty rebellious young girl who isnt afraid of breaking the rules. my my!! and i just realised that in 3 months time, i dont have to drive with the "P" plate anymore!!! its almost a year since i got my driving license. .
gone were the days of endless chatting on the phone, dreading to sight of my polka dotted uniform, going out with boys from the boys school. Hanging around serene centre and coronation plaza,making a helluva noise. and i feel old.. everyone's turning 21! and soon i'll be turning 22. and in 2 years time, i'll get my degree, study for another year or two. start work, and settle down.. start a family.. and yada yada. -takes in a deep breath- ok, this is too much for me to handle right now. i gotta stop thinking about this and start studying..
oh! and its dance tomorrow!! yippie! i cant wait! meeting cheryl lovely during my break. gonna miss that girl sooooooooooooooo much when she leaves to study overseas.. -sniffs- wished i could ask her to stay... ='(
this is my favourite photo of me and the lovely cheryl.. so sad! its gonna be a teary affair when i send her off at the airport. =(
Monday, January 19
exams are around the corner, and i have not started studying. totally not in the mood. all i have been doing, is dance, dance, dance and dance.... and here comes the sad part. i have a flair for dance and i'm not in a dance school. i dont have enough dance experience as i just started hip hop. Absolutely no luck in finding a committed dance partner in Latin dance. And i started to ponder, what have i been doing for the past 21 years of my life? where has my dancing gone to? Compared at JJ, she has her dancing career to back her up.. look at me? what do i have? NOTHING. this is devastating...
and it finally dawned upon me that.. i have no freaking GOAL in life??? i have absolutely no interest in accounting anymore. so what the hell am in studying now? and i continued to ask myself... what do i wanna do when i grow up.. andd.. i cant think of any damn occupation.. because i have nothing that i can excel in.
i feel like a failure.... damnit.
Thursday, November 27
I'm a bad bad girl! i totally cant wake up for morning classes! i feel like giving myself a tight slap on the face. Great job girl! you have just wasted your sch fees.
This is bad, i have ZERO motivation to study and i really mean ZERO! Once i start reading my study guide, my mind's switched off immediately. I'm pretty tired mentally and physically.
Anddd i realised. i was supposed to work on tues and i didnt turn up at work.. what the hell am i doing??!!??? this is very unlike me and i have no idea what's going on with me. . sighs... this is atrocious! sighs!
Tuesday, November 25
The 26th Singpore River Regatta has come to and end. It was pretty enjoyable even though we didnt win any medals. I just hope that we wont be discouraged and continue to work hard for the penang race and the future races to come. Nothing interesting happened in my life recently. I've been doing nothing but train eat sleep study.. My daily routines. boring yea? i know. Anyway, happened to watch MTV today and i fell in love with this song Aishiteru by Shimizu Shota. very nice song and i'm addicted to it. =) i think i've listened to his song like 20 times already and i'm still loving it
actually.. i dont know how to read the lyrics either. but nevertheless. its a beautiful song!
Monday, November 17
Its a new beginning. I just pray that this wont be a screwed up r/s .. =)
Saturday, September 27
i have no idea why brazilian waxing today was a killer!! blardy painful... i almost kicked the lady.. =( the price to pay for being vain...
went for a movie marathon with kenichi on wed... We caught mama mia and mirrors. and Boy! i love mama mia.. i love it love it love it!!! it was pretty fun! been happy hanging out with him. and i'm satisfied with the way things are now. =) i really appreciate him taking the courage to confess his feelings towards me(esp in front of everyone). but i felt very bad that we all laughed at him and he blushed like mad. he's cute in his little ways. =)
been seeing him very often.. during dragon boat trainings and hanging out. =) haven really told anyone how i feel about him. i'll just let it stay that way. slow and easy..
Tuesday, September 23
dreamt of me and yang dancing again last night. i really miss dancing. woke up yest mornin with this urge to start a Latin Dance club in SIM. i'd be the happiest girl ever.. i'd give anything up just to dance again.. Rumba.. Cha cha.. Jive ! my favourite!! how i wish i could dance now. tried dancing at home,but it doesnt feel complete.
i wanna go for competition. i want to be better then before! 6th place isnt enough. i feel so handicapped now. the misery of not being able to dance is setting in now. i'm yearning to have a perfect dance partner.. The fire for latin dance is still burning inside me. i dont want it to extinguish. it'd be very sad if it ever happens.. i need to dance..
where i my dance of love?
Wednesday, September 17
my schedule has been rather hectic for the past 2 months.My deepest apologies to my friends. Sorry that i havent been able to meet up with you guys. Now that i've stopped work, i'm much free-er now. I think there's something wrong with my stomach. Whenever i eat something, there'd be this sharp pain and its quite painful.I think i might need to see a doc if it doesnt get any better by friday.
Dragon Boat training has been quite tough but its manageable. Been pretty happy in there too. I'm prolly too busy to be thinking about anything else right now.
Bought a new phone yest, and i am gonna take good care of it and make sure the phone will last. Enough of changing phones... I gotta watch my spending now that i'm not working anymore. =)
gonna make mooncakes after dinner. =)
oh boy, my tummy do hurt quite abit...
Wednesday, August 13
YES!!At last, after 32841239 years, i've finally changed my blog skin. this is a little too pinky for me, but its nice. i like.. haha demure, just what i need.
I have 1 more paper to go. damn, my mathematics paper SUCKS to the CORE!! wasted my time doing past year papers. It was of NO use.. like TOTALLY! disappointing... =(
nevermind. 1 more, just 1 more.. and oh my, i have lots of things happening after my paper.. Fri - after my paper, meeting Kelvin to watch -the love guru-.Shop around for ken's present, gotta be at ken's house at 6pm. BBQ at his house to celebrate the birthday of the August babies.
Sat-Meeting Joven and farewell dinner for Zheng wei.Maybe meeting Cheryl to accompany her to Arena to support her sis's university peagent.
Sun- Dragon boat training in the morning and BBQ with cousins in the evening to celebrate my birthday.
Mon - Lecture in the morning and wakeboarding training. My whole day's burnt.
Tues - Meeting Kelvin to celebrate my birthday! i wonder what he's planned for me.
Wed- Meeting char,germs and gang to have my birthday dinner..
Thurs- dance and dragon boat training.
Fri - no plans YET..
whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......... so packed...... but i like... =)
my 21st birthday is so happening!!!
Friday, August 1
sighs, some friends are having r/s problems. sometimes, advices wont help one bit.Your mind will never agree with your heart. i feel that we're just repeating the same few advices to one another. WE know the answer. BUT we're just not thinking straight.As the chinese saying goes "na de qi,fang de xia". I know i've been repeating this phrase, "accept it with grace", i know thats not what they want to hear but i dont know what else to tell them because i feel this way. we cant change anything, we just have to accept it with grace and move on! There has to be a point in time where you'll have to move on, just have to set a certain time period for yourself to be upset and after that period, block all thoughts of that guy/girl. Life would be much easier. I dont know if thats too harsh though, i know i cant say "everything's gonna be alright" or " you guys will be fine". Its gonna give them false hope. You cant be soft hearted with things like this. Somehow, we girls are at the losing end no matter what because we'll have more emotional attachment then the guys.
I just want to let you know, i love you all too. and i'll be here for you. Just like you all were there for me. =) You'll pull through this period, and you'll be fine. i'll always be here my dears.
Thursday, July 31
i just cant wait to dance later. been trying to study.. i'm glad i started maths, and boy!! my brains are gonna explode. am tryin out maths with no help, trying to figure it out. i hope i can make it man.. and studying makes you snack BIG TIME!! gosh, i'm gonna be phat again!
Tuesday, July 29
wakeboarding yest was UBBERRR fun!!! love it love it love it! purple and eugene are my official wakeboarding khaki!! and i can do 180 and butterslide. and for my next attempt : 1) 360 - 360 turn 2) jump
so exciting!! and for my next wakeboarding session, 18th and 19 th August. =) i really do miss purple, i miss the times in poly, we used to hang out, share our joys and pains tgt. we've seen each other through the worst times of our lives and we've seen the happiest times too. really love this girl too. i'm so glad we're in the same school again! and we have the same loves and she's dancing too!! she just started hip hop. so i'll see her in dance! yay! i can have all in one! well, i like dragon boat too.. but the committment that it requires, leaves me with not much time to do my stuff.. i have another option though, to join EA Dragons. Their trainings are only on sun! tempting, but i dont know how to tell the sim dragon boaters.. dont want them to hate me for leavin them for another team..
urgh! i'm in a dilemma...
Friday, July 25
cheryl's aching all over!! Danced from 5 to 7pm and rushed to dragon boat training till 9pm. this is a lil too crazy, but the aches feel pretty shiok. dance was soild! good work out. am happy!
i cant wait for sea training on sun! going for 2 sessions. 9am-12pm for girls training, 3pm to 5pm for eugene's dragon boat club training. i feel good! not that i'm keeping myself busy, but i feel that i'm healthy finally! gene kept commenting that i'm too tanned!! =( but its only 2 weeks and i've been in the sun like for only 4 timess! not alot what? was browsing my photos. i think i'm a lil black.. gene, you may be right! but maybe i'm just 5 times darker then i was originally was. you know i was fair like hell! maybe you're just not used to it la!!
Thursday, July 24
i have no idea what happened last night. It was supposed to be a happy girls night out with the 2 darling Cheryls, but apparently, something went wrong somewhere.
the night was never meant to end up that way...
just 2 flaming lambos and i was a goner. the only thing i remembered was walking out to the grass patch, and i have no recollection of the rest of the night.
i'm really gonna stay away from drinks. i cant drink for nuts. 1 drink is enough! i hate hangovers... alcohol makes you go crazy and i think i lost it for awhile.
i really really pray doubly hard that i didnt do anything wrong last night that i'd regret. If i did,please let me know. To whom it may concern(i really dont know who is involved) i'm sorry if i offended you last night with my actions or words.. my sincere apologies to those i've cause much inconvenience to. i swear it will never happen again. and i will cry no more. its the last time, i promise. =)
i'm looking forward to dance and gym session later.
Monday, July 21
you know what's the best thing about dragon boating? its the team work that i really admire.. thou super tiring but i think its worth it.. and i'm like pretty tan as compared to last time.
i wonder if i'm going to stay in dragon boating... i do enjoy it, but i still love dancing.. i hate to have to choose either one cause it sucks to have to give one up. till the day i have to choose one, i'll just enjoy every minute of it!!
school sucks, lectures are damn tiring, i cant absorb anything at night!!! crashed mornin lecture last week and i could learn better!! but i'm back to work this week.. and its my last week before i break to study.
anyway, i guess i havent said this to my dad in a long long time, but nevertheless, i dont want to keep it inside me.
This is to my dad :
Daddy, you know i love you deep down inside even though i have never really told you. I treasure every moment spent with you, and i really do love to have you by my side. I know there isnt much time left and i really do want you to hold on and stay with me.. i want you to see me through my university days and the most important day of my life,my wedding day. Please stay with me a little longer. i need you. i really do.
I know bout your deepest secret, i chose to keep it to myself because i want our family to stay together. I have no siblings and if anything were to happen to this family, i'd be lost. I forgive you daddy, for everything you have done. I was extremely hurt and disappointed when you left me home alone to meet her.I know men stray sometimes, but i know mum loves you with all her heart and she sacrificed everything just to take good care of you. Please dont hurt her or me anymore. i love you dad, thats why i'm hurting inside. Daddy, i'll trust you once more, because you have seen the love mum has been showering upon you for the past year. My life hasnt been smooth sailing and sometimes,i feel so vulnerable. Many times,i was on the verge of breaking down,but i still stood strong. Dad,even though i feel like giving up, i am still staying strong for you.
I'm sorry i haven been there because of work and school. I have never told you the reason for me working, because i do not want you to feel bad. But i'll support myself in every way i can. I'm sorry i haven been the nicest daughter either. But dad, i hope my little gestures do assure you that i care. I know i dont usually show it, but i hope you know that i'm always praying for you. Please be strong dad. We are strong for you too.. You know, mum has been crying sometimes too? because she doesnt know what she'd do if you leave us. she needs you, more then i do.
Daddy, you're the best dad ever.. I can lose everything in my life, but I dont want to lose you. i hope i can continue to be strong... but i know someday, i will fall.. and i hope you'll still be there to catch me.
With love, your daughter.
Thursday, July 17
omg, i think i wont be able to lift my hands up tomorrow!! just came back from dragon boat training.. and considering this lazy girl here hasnt been exercising.. running and gyming was a killer to her..
i finally know how the dragon boat girls train with weights.... after more then an hour of gyming (weight lifting).. my veins started popping out.. and bench press sets!!! my assests wil become liabilities!!! nooooooo............... - looks at her humble hills- other then the gyming session, i'm pretty much good with dragon boating. running long distance is alright.. but gyming.. i can feel my arms getting bigger.. i dont want to be like how i was in Year 1 when i chiong-ed weights for my 1st fighting competition. its scary!! the guys there are like HOW STRONG!!! their muscles are like *(@_@)* .... i'm like trying to imagine myself with muscles, looking very tan and dancing !!!! -shivers-.. super weird....
Dragon boat team bonding session this sat at sentosa and sea training on sun.. crazy man...
am glad i caught up with ALL the CHERYLS and charlotte!!! finally we are back tgt!! =) love you girls too!!! i wanna dance again!!! i miss latin dance.. and there's a KL Dancesports championship coming up!!! I WANNA COMPETE!!!!!... I WANT A PARTNER!!!!! cant dance without one... sighs
anyway i'm falling asleep now! guess its gonna be an early night for me!!
This post is going to be my very random thoughts and its not going to make sense...
i'm currently totally in love with Jason Mraz's I'm yours. its addictive to the max.
i cant drink! i drank a lychee martini last night and i was like err.. high? joshua had to like prop my head up with his hand. it was hilarious man. hey josh! i'm glad you're gonna study once again. dont give up no matter what alright? i wonder how's his sis doing.. been 5 years since i last saw josh's sis,esther.. if anyone remembers her, she used to go mad monks!! the havoc days !!!
Dragon Boat training today. am feeling lazy, not in the mood to run and gym. i'm still skeptical bout it, i dont want to be a she-man... i shall KIV for now... till 5pm
And... i think i want to be ignorant!!!! like how i used to be, the lesser i know, the better. truths unfolding, cold hard facts, am pretty much speechless.. i dont know how to put the pieces together. its like a 10,000 piece puzzle, somehow i get to see the picture on the box but i cant piece the jigsaw pieces together.
one word to describe.... C O M P L I C A T E D .
this is far worse then my bridging for maths.. more mind boggling and head spinning questions..
Wednesday, July 16
Merser started work this week at the concourse. yay! i've got another lunch/walking to the mrt buddy! 5 precious years of being in the same sec school and the same class in poly. love this girl to bits.
work is mundane as usual, nothing much to look forward to other then pay day! i think i'm gonna get my crumpler bag soon. =) like FINALLY after months of debating.
and i just realised that going to town at night on a weekday is bloody boring. urgh! singapore needs more nightlife!!! -_-'zz
i cant wait for the sentosa outing on Sat, and chilling out with Pats, Viv, Helms and Azahar. its been quite awhile since i last hung out with them as a group. Pat's going back to aussie in 2 weeks time...thats fast!! she just came back on sat. oh and Pats my pri sch mates,tgt with viv.
alright, am off to sch now. guys, i'm really alright. thanks for checking on me.. i'm really good. =)
love this girl to bits. =)
Tuesday, July 15
At this current moment, i don't know what to say or how to feel. But i thank you for letting me know things that i wished i hadnt knew. But, carrying on would definitely not be the best option because i'd be the one suffering in the end. Well....I have no idea if i should feel sad or relief. But all i know is that i'm greatly disappointed and i cant help but feel robbed of my feelings. I never imagined him to be who he is. well, i agree with what you said that i finally saw his true colours. Not exactly the most pleasant one, but well, at least i've seen it.And considering that i've thought sooo highly of him all these while. I think i've just wasted my time, but its never too late. =) I wished i've heeded their warning and advice right from the start,even before anythin started..but apparently, their words fell on deaf ears.And i can bet on a million bucks that my friends will spam me a million " I told you so! see what you've landed yourself into" .. i'm sorry guys! i know i'm stubborn. But its alright! you'll never know it until you've experienced it yourself. =)
Thanks for comforting me, but i know that i'm doing alright and life goes on. seriously, i'm pretty much lost for words and i'm just staring at the comp with a blank mind.
i just feel that it was all just a lie and a false front. sorry, i cant help feeling this way. but i wouldnt deny that i was happy. but that happiness that i had experienced, was it all just a show to make me happy??? you have everyone fooled.. at i'm trying hard to differentiate what was real and what was not. scary huh? and at the end of the day, i realised that i never really knew you at all. But it doesnt matter. =)
I am not mad nor am i very sad. I'm neither losing sleep nor crying because of a broken heart... Just feelin a lil more stonned then normal. I cant say i'm heart borken-heart broken..its more like pure disappointment... I have never really felt this much of a disappointment in my life or with someone before. Dont know how i should deal with it thou, but i guess it'll just fade away within this week and its gonna be another lesson in life... i shouldnt be so trusting anyway, thats my weakpoint .but somehow, after many incidents, i still have not learnt my lesson. rawr!!!
oh well, all i can say is Shit happens. and i'll deal with it.
enough of the emo yet not so emo shit. Dragon boat outing on sat. wonder if i should go..i wld have to rush home from sentosa and meet viv and gang.. Dance starts next thurs and wakeboarding the week after next.. $$$$ fly away.... gotta work extra hard ! Bridging exams around the corner and my maths still cmi.
oh well. i'm off to work now.
ciaos!
Friday, June 6
I cant believe i'm so bored to the extent that i actually created a livejornal account when i am already having trouble tryin to mantain this blog for the past 6 years and i actually shut it down for a year...well...i'm bored now.And I'm thinking of ways to maintain the 2 blogs . Dang!! If i delete this blog.. all my 821 posts wld be gone!! nooo...-heart pain-.I think i'll keep this blog la.it's been through the highs and lows with me.
Wished i've taken a day off. At least i can sit back and relax at home and feel lousy when my next pay cheque comes... hmmph! I'm afraid the director might leave his office any moment and i'm Doomed!!! seriously, this is boring to the maxxx!!Ah, whatever, i'll just follow everyone's advice." Chill and earn free money ".
Danced yest after a godzillion years. it feels good to be exercising again, am all rusty already. A perfect prove, my leg cramped up halfway while dancing even after all the stretching. Anyway, am a lil fed up with Yang. I seriously have no idea what is going on in his mind. And i can bet a thousand bucks if he reads this, he'll definitely say this to me,"Oh, you see! what kind of friend are you? know me for 8 years you still dont understand me! ok, byee. go find yourself another partner!!..". I've heard it a million times, and i'm kinda sick of it.
And the F**ked up Nic who claimed he dance hip hop and turned out to be a big fat liar. Took my crew SOOOO long to finally realise that he has been lying most of the time. But i'm glad they finally get to see the truth. ARGHH, screw it. i cant be bothered anymore. I want to dance but the sequence of events is making me lose interest in dance. i dont want that to happen to me. i grew up dancing, i dont want to give it up like that. i dont want to, but i really feel like it.I've spent 16 years of my life dancing... Maybe i should go back to Ballet. I hate it when i have to rely on someone to get something done. Example : Latin dance, you NEED a partner. without him, you're useless. Hip hop dance , you need a crew. i mean, you dont really do solo for that right?
Its sickening to have to worry that i'm gonna lose a partner anytime. I've changed like 4 bloody partners and EACH time i find a new partner. i have to start ALL OVER! total waste of money and time and whats the outcome? -a broken partnership because of committment problems. Well,I'm not the only one who's facing this problem. All the girls in Latin dance are too. For the 13 years that i've been in ballet, i've relied on no one but myself. Had no problems until i tore my ligament while practicing for a 3 day ballet performance in victoria theatre. the practice was crazy, and with 2 shows a day,my legs suffered. Totally loved it but it cost me an injury. And since then, my teacher and parents have been encouraging me to stop dancing. But i refused to give it up for a silly injury. My legs are screwed up, i know it. I can feel the pain everytime i dance.
sighs.
i've finally let it all out..
On a lighter note,was walking around Raffles City Shopping center and i decided to try my luck at the Crumpler Shop. Guess what !! I saw my favourite bag!!!!!! -jumps for joy- Not sure if i still wanna get it though. its $98 bucks, adn 10% off with UOB cards.But its still a lil pricey...
this is the bag i wanted to get.
But... i saw this other bag..
and i quite like this too!
hmm...
I want soo many things but when it actually comes to buying it, i'll a decade to decide whether i want buy it.hmm...
i'm alright with spending around $40-$50 on bags and clothes.. but anything more then that i'm kinda unwilling to spend.
oh well, i'll think about it for awhile, i can predict i'll take another month to decide, and once i've decided..i hope the bags wont be outta stock!... hmmmm........
Wednesday, March 26
5 days of hardcore dancing is no joke. supposed to be dancing today, but my body cannot take it anymore.. its seriously overworked!!!
am dying here...
urgh!!
Saturday, March 22
This is crazy!
Wednesday, February 27
cheryl is offically broke now..
donations please?? hahahaa...
Tuesday, February 26
With you - chris brown
I need you boo I gotta see you boo And the hearts all over the world tonight Said the hearts all over the world tonight I need you boo I gotta see you boo And the hearts all over the world tonight Said the hearts all over the world tonight
Hey lil mama Oo u a stunna Hot little figure Yes you a winner And I'm so glad to be yours You're a class all your own And oh little cutie When you talk to me I swear the whole world stops You're my sweetheart And I'm so glad that your mine You are one of a kind
And you mean to me What I mean to you And together baby There is nothin we won't do Cuz if I got you I don't need money I don't need cars Girl you're my all
And oh I'm into you And girl no one else would do Cuz with every kiss And every hug You make me fall in love And now I Know I can't be the only one I bet its hearts all over the world tonight With the love of they life Who feel What I feel when I'm With you, with you, with you, with you, with you Girl With you, with you, with you, with you, with you
I don't want nobody else Without you theres no one left and You're like Jordans on Saturday I gotta have you and I can not wait now Hey little shorty Say you care for me You know I care for you You know that I'll be true You know that I won't lie You know that I will try To be your everything
Cuz if I got you I don't need money I don't need cars Girl you're my all
And I Will never try to deny That your are my whole life Cuz if you Ever let me go I would die So I won't front I don't need another woman I just need your all or nothing Cuz if I got that Then I'll be straight Baby you're the best part of my day
I need you boo I gotta see you boo And the hearts all over the world tonight Said the hearts all over the world tonight They need they boo They gotta see they boo A nd the hearts all over the world tonight Hearts all over the world tonight
Wednesday, February 6
fuck, i think i just screwed up my life at this very moment.
Monday, February 4
to Char :
Thank you for always being there for me. for always reminding me of who i really am.. thank you for the love and care you've showered upon me. thank you for being such a patient friend.. thank you for seeing me through the good and bad times... and i thank you for your support...
i dont know how i'd be without you.. i am thankful for not letting go of our friendship..
i love you girl.. and i know you love me too. =)
Friday, February 1
OMG OMG OMG... ITS FRIDAY!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!! TGIF! its the LAST day of school... i am so gonna study hard and GRADUATE!! GRADUATE I MUST!! oh i love it...
this brings me 2 weeks closer to my driving test and my exams... and Valentine's Day falls on my study week.... AS UAUAL... nevermind la! its just a cut throat day..
Random thoughts.. I LOST 3 KG!!!! tt makes me 40kg!!! WOOHOO!!!! i can wear my tubes now.. so exciting.... something that i've always dreamt of. I really felt that i am what i was when i had my photoshoot... -drools-
If you have it, flaunt it!! besides, i'm glad only my tummy went, my assets are still as 1! woohoo!!
just as i wanted.... free and easy, without pressure, and i've done it!!! I FEEL GOOD! Never been better...
This is the kind of life i want, with no extra pressure(the unnecessary ones). I've gained back my self confidence for the past 2 weeks, i really feel good bout myself. things havent been going the way i expected, but i'm still happy nevertheless.
Been talking to a few friends of mine, they commented that i've been much happier then i was for the last year.. I'm not sure if its the front i've been putting up or is it real. but for now, i'll just enjoy this happy feeling.
Tuesday, January 29
3 more days till SATURDAY!!! ohhh i cant wait... i really cant wait!! -claps hands in excitement-
i can seeeee... see something.... whahahaahahaha~~~
ooo, i just cant wait.. so exciting!!!
actually, i don't have to wait till Saturday.. Lets count down to FRIDAY!!! 2 more days!!!! and i can see something!!! Mwhahahahah!!!!!!!!!!
and i will only disclose what that something is ,at a later date.. not now, because i haven seen that too. =)
oh no oh dear, so crazy.. crazily exciting...
Monday, January 28
Urgh! goin nuts. pre-examinations stress.. Urgh!! need to unwind, i wanna dance!
cant wait for sat to come..
i don't know what to think... cheryl is confused. she doesnt know which way to go..
Sunday, November 25
I used to believe things were going to work out. for the short time we've been together, i've been showering you with my love, supported you emotionally, trying to give you the best that i could. I even treated you better than my ex boyfriend,the guy whom i really really did like so much.
There were many things about you I disliked at the beginning. Your attitude,i totally disliked the way you portray yourself, the way you talked, tactless and it offends people. Your temper, it pisses me off totally. But becaused i liked you, i stuck with you, believing that things would change someday.I stayed by your side, not a single time did i ever strayed or laid my eyes on some other guy. I soon put the dislikes all behind me, and everytime i looked at you, I saw you as a perfect person.
Yes, you may be a "good boyfriend" doing things that is very pleasing to the eyes. What i call the superficial things that could be done easily, anyone can do it just by putting in a lil effort. Things like picking me up from places, buying gifts, showing concern.But what you missed out, the most important thing in a relationship. Is the emotional support. For a long period of time, i felt that you've been putting me down with everything i did. I tolerated it, and always gave in to you. Doing things your way, if you didnt like something, i'd change it . It was all about you you and you. "You don't like this way, you don't like me to look this way, you don't like me to act this way,don't like me to dress this way, don't like me to talk this way, don't like me to do things this way", and i want you to change change change. It all seemed right, because i was blinded by love, forgetting about myself, giving up the things i wanted, changing my ways. Losing weight for you, changing my mindset for you. Yes, I swear i didnt mind doing anything and everything for you. So what have you given me? Support? no. you still critised me for everything. Not showing any encouragement, just pure disappointment in anything i couldnt do it right, the way you want it to be. Emotional turmoil i've been through, I've lost my confidence, lost my self esteem, lost my backbone, lost my will and determination. You've made me lose this all.
Yes, I may not be perfect, but you're not perfect either, you pretty much as flawed as me. But i chose to ignore it, why cant you?
I've been giving in, so much so that you've climbed all over me, over my head and now you look down on me, despise me,well, this is how i feel.
Have you ever thought bout your actions that will affect people? you always talk to me about that. But have you considered bout your actions and words that would affect me? No, because it was all about you, not me, because I amflawed and i have to be perfect, perfect for you. You claimed that you love me, thousand and one times, but actions speak louder than words. And your actions and your words showed otherwise.
Your friends don't know how to get through to you, and so do I, they asked me to think for my happiness, but time and again, i chose to be with you. Not heeding all the advises.
You've sucked my emotions and energy dry, i have none left for you anymore. For a long long time.
You've been asking me to try and work things out with you again. to give it another shot..
And yet again, i'll still give you the same answer, " i will never want to be with you again, not now. not in the future. NEVER"
Monday, August 6
" Don't hold on to your pain,just let it go. Dont have to stay with someone who makes you cry, you'll end up killing all the love you have inside "
how true this is... it really kills the love inside. Or should I say, it makes you numb and thats when you block out all the love. And you will not reciprocate the love that your partner shows for you.
Its sad that people can destroy the love that they have, How sad that this love can be killed. In such a short time, love can be buried 13 feet under ground.
Or maybe its buried behind this uber thick wall of pain.
Friday, July 27
In Loving Memory of my favourite uncle. 25 July 2007 I will miss you , thank you for bringing me up. You wil be remembered.
The past few days had be rather chaotic. Been rushing to and from school and to my uncle's wake. I have not been taking his passing very well, I feel pretty lost. but thanks to zexi, he's been giving me his support. So it isnt that bad.. But i know he's in a great place now.
Saturday, July 21
bumped into this guyfriend of mine whom i had a crush on when i was in sec 2.. looking back,it was kinda silly, we met in a sec 2 leadership camp, this camp consisted of many different sec sch and i thought he was cute because he had rosy cheeks...
apparently,he could remember that i was from St.Margs .. well,good enough.. and we chatted for a lil while..
well,today is gonna be a long day, i've gotta deal with many things. i wish someone could take this load from me..
i know the right guy for me will come when i'm older.. i know he isnt the one for me. but right now, i just feel so miserable.. when you're in a relationship,there're bound to be conflicting of interest.this i cant deny. but,i feel that on my part,i've already tried my best to recify some things. but it doesnt seem "enough"... i feel that for the 3 months of my life,i've been told off hundreds of times. everythin thing i do doesnt seem right... even if i try,it isnt "remorseful" according to him.. not sincere....and the list goes on.
many times i just grit my teeth and accept it with grace.. but there are some times,i feel its too much..
i'm sorry, i cant be with you.
Friday, July 20
I miss you, i wished nothing changed between us.. its been so long. and the last time you told me you still loved me..
so where has that love gone?
where has it gone to?
Lips Of An Angel
Honey why you callin me so late It's kinda hard to talk right now Honey why you cryin Is everything ok I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well my boy's in the next room Sometimes I wish he was you I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice Sayin my name It sounds so sweet Comin from the lips of an angel Hearin those words It makes me weak
And I Dont Never want to say goodbye But boy you make it hard to be faithful With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're callin me tonight And yes I dreamt of you too Does he know your talkin' to me? Will it start a fight? No, I don't think he has a clue
Well, my boys in the next room Sometimes I wish he was you I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice Sayin my name It sounds so sweet Comin from the lips of an angel Hearin those words It makes me weak
And I Dont Never want to say goodbye But boyl you make it hard to be faithful With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice Sayin my name it sounds so sweet Comin from the lips of an angel Hearin those words It makes me weak
And I Dont Never want to say goodbye But boy you make it hard to be faithful With the lips of an angel Never want to say goodbye
Honey why you callin me so late?
'if only you had loved me for me and not change when you started uni. i was being an ass to break up with you. But i wasnt happy. And i hope you're happy with the other Cheryl now. Its nice that you've moved on.
i miss you.....
like hell....
Thursday, July 5
Its Not Over- Chris Daughtry
I was blown away What could I say It all seemed to make sense You've taken away everything And I can't deal with that.
I try to see the good in life but good things in life are hard to find We'll blow it away, blow it away Can we make this something good?
Well I'll try to do it right this time around Let's start over Try to do it right this time around It's not over Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground This love is killin me But you're the only one It's not over
I've taken all I can take And I cannot wait We're wastin too much time Bein strong, holdin on Can't let it bring us down
My life with you means everything So I won't give up that easily I'll blow it away, blow it away Can we make this something good? Cause it's all misunderstood
Well I'll try to do it right this time around Let's start over Try to do it right this time around It's not over Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground This love is killin me But you're the only one It's not over
We can't let this get away Let it out, let it out Don't get caught up in yourself Let it out
Let's start over We'll try to do to it right this time around It's not over Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground. This love is killin me But you're the only one It's not over
Wednesday, July 4
Don't Get Me Wrong-Westlife
Don’t get me wrong I’ve played my part and it’s over I’m tired of being strong For hiding that I'm not yeah Don’t get me wrong You've played your part and I think you know This love's for real It’s time to show just how I feel
Time after time I refuse to see why I can't go on without you by my side
Baby I just wanted you to know that if you care you could be part of my life Baby don’t you know we could be doing this forever and be doing all right yeah Time after time this moment’s been on my mind Now I've left it behind oh don’t get me wrong
Don’t get me wrong You bruised my heart and it’s aching It won’t take you long To see that I'm in pain Don’t get me wrong If you run off now you’d sure be mistaking This love’s so real And baby this is how I feel yeah
Time after time I’ve been trying to deny I can’t go on without you by my side
Baby I just wanted you to know that if you care you could be part of my life Baby don’t you know we could be doing this forever and be doing all right yeah Time after time this moment’s been on my mind Now I've left it behind just don’t get me wrong
Don’t get me wrong no, no baby oh yeah Time after time I’ve been trying to deny I need the nearness of you to get by Baby I just wanted you to know that if you care you could be part of my life Baby don’t you know we could be doing this forever and be doing all right no, no Time after time this moment’s been on my mind Now I've left it behind, don’t get me wrong
Baby I just wanted you to know that if you care you could be part of my life Baby don’t you know we could be doing this forever and be doing all right Time after time this moment’s been on my mind now I've left it behind I've left it behind don’t get me wrong
Sunday, June 24
Had my 1st ever dancesports national competition @ NTU. so exciting, i was pretty upset tt we didnt make it to the semis but i'm happy still. thanks partner!! it was a great experience for me and i truly enjoyed myself,i wasnt nervous at all. which i thought was pretty surprizing.
and the most amazing thing happened today.
i woke up in the morning to prepare for the competition,with this dreadful feeling tt no one was gonna come watch me.. mum and dad werent gonna come, my baby's on a family trip to thailand. how sad right... but....... i was wrong. while at NTU, i was just walking around and suddenly a bouquet of sunflowers appeared in my face..
i was delighted,overjoyed....
Zexi came!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=)
and so he was the camera man for the day...
Presenting my not so purrfect ChaChaCha..
Ngee Ann Dancesports!!!!!!!!!
me and my partner!!
i'm happy..
Wednesday, June 20
Dancesports National's around the corner. i think i've pretty much mastered my chacha routine. i'm pretty upset and disheartened because me and my partner cant complete a routine properly. if he forgets,he just walks away.. how am i to feel encouraged like this?
and i'm not too sure if zexi is gonna go to watch me because he might be in thailand. sighs.. i don't feel too happy.
my r/s isnt smooth sailing either.. just tryin to get through this rough patch...
rarrrr!!!!
i do hope things will be fine..
sighs
Wednesday, June 13
the week hasnt exactly started off the way i wanted it to be. but i will survive.
i can make it on my own,i know i can. but i guess i'll try with you again..
i stil believe,if its meant to be,it'll be.
i know i've told you you're not the one for me. maybe i might change my mind. but you really broke my heart. but i'll put it all aside now.
What Hurts The Most -Rascal Flatts I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house That don’t bother me I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while Even though going on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most Was being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go But I’m doin’ It It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone Still Harder Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret But I know if I could do it over I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart That I left unspoken
What hurts the most Is being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you That’s what I was trying to do
Monday, June 11
I don't know how this is supposed to be done. every relationship that i have is always Fucked up in some ways.
I know i might not be the Best Girlfriend material. But i'm definitely sure,friggin sure, I WILL NOT CHEAT ON MY BOYFRIEND. My conscious is extremely clear.
I just want someone to try and understand me. Someone who is patient like me. Is it too much to ask for?
Guys can never understand girls.
Maybe I'm still not ready. Maybe this isnt the time..
Maybe...
But i'm still trying.
Sunday, June 10
my chest hurts when i breathe... feeling depressed.
i was beginning to feel that we could work out, but after what you said to me, it hurt like fuck. i never imagined you would ever used that phrase.Never. but i was so wrong. now,a part of me's dying. and i'm beginning to feel numb...
Thursday, June 7
Let Me Let Go - Faith Hill
I thought it was over, baby We said our goodbyes But I can't go a day Without your face Going through my mind
In fact, not a single minute Passes without you in it Your voice, your touch Memories of your love Are with me all of the time
Let me let go, baby Let me let go If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart Are you still in my soul Let me let go
I talked to you the other day Looks like you made your escape You put us behind No matter how i try I can't do the same
Let me let go, baby Let me let go It just isn't right I've been two thousand miles Down a dead-end road Let me let go
Let me let go, darlin', won't you I just gotta know If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart Are you still in my soul Let me let go
The lights of this strange city are shining But they don't hold no fascination for me I try to find the bright side baby But everywhere I look Everywhere I turn You're all I see
Let me let go, baby won't you Let me let go It just isn't right I've been two thousand miles Down a dead-end road
Oh let me let go, darlin', won't youI just gotta know If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart You're still in my soul Let me let go, why don't you Let me let go...
1 Last paper, and i'm FREE!!!!(from common test that is) and i have to start my 4 projects,they are due after 2 weeks of break.. sighs. what kind of break is that man.. oh well,i cant wait for paper to end tml. 10am and i'm a freeman! 11am's my facial,bringing Bee Hsing along.. 2pm's driving and after my lesson.... I AM MEETIN WENLING!!!
omg i do miss her like crazy... its been 137461394 years since i last went out with her.
and after my exams,i can finally dance dance dance! must practice hard for my dance,competition's only less than a month away.. dance my nights away!!! weeeee!!!! i go high just thinking about it. =p
Sunday, June 3
i hate the roller coaster emotional unbalance state of my mind. at this very moment,i'm struggling to tackle the heavy load of AUDITING. URGH!!!!! -pulls a whole chunk of hair out-
alright, i've done ranting and raving bout my common test. i shall go back to studying.
Monday, May 28
monday blues,monday blues. please chase away my monday blues..
Sunday, May 27
i feel terrible and miserable.
fucking shit load of projects, struggling to meet the date lines...
i cant seem to do things right. He isnt helping.
i'm feeling worse. trying to keep myself together.. nothing's helping
i really feel like giving up.
i really do.
Sunday, May 13
thanks for the wonderful time you've spent with me.
it certainly was really very heart warming to be near you once again.
=)
caught 'Spiderman' today..
i like...
oh,and did you know that mini toons is now selling this super cute octopus stuffed toy??
its uber cute!!!
sweetheart claims it looks like me..
but i think i'm cuter than it...bahaha..kiddin'
and thanks for sucha wonderful anniversary present.
and the shopping spree!!!
=)
started my drivin lessons..
think i'm not fit for driving..
am totally lost..
i wanna be a tai tai...
mwahahahaha!!!!
=p
Friday, May 11
for the whole journey to sch today,i was in a daze. going to sch with a heavy heart.
felt like crap.
i hate this feeling,but i cant help feeling this way. and i don't know how to get outta it.
sighs...
Monday, May 7
Life is beautiful,as long as you're here with me..
'And did i tell you that i love you tonight...
Saturday, April 28
things haven been goin really well for me. so i'm just struggling to get by everyday. praying that i'll have the strength to go thru the day.
i have no idea whats going thru my mind. i know i'm all mixed up inside.
i don't know what to think about,how to feel..
i'm happy yet unhappy..
i really don't know
really hate it..
Thursday, April 26
i don't understand why a FAT-ASS can start a friggin fight over 30 bucks? are you so hard up for money? or are you craving for some attention because you're so fat.
To the Blardy Fat guy in my Tax 2 lecture,his name is JOHN..
1) I would like to express my total disgust at your outlook. You are FAT,UGLY(i think ugly is an overstatement). YOU ARE HIDEOUS...
2) You have C-cup Breasts and it was a total turn off. Please,if you wanna ask someone to wack you, I BEG YOU.. PLEASE do NOT stick your chest out or hit yourself on the chest..
I would like to let you know. YOUR FATTY BREASTS JIGGLES..
omgomgomgomg... i'm turnging green just by typing this out... let alone imagine it.. -starts puking-
3) Didnt your mama told you,never to interrupt a lecture.. i know you're dying for attention..
BUT hasnt anyone told you..
NO ONE IS LOOKIN AT YOU!!! you fucking fat-so..
NOW LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.. blardy ass-NO-hole...
Wednesday, April 11
i wonder if this is going anywhere...
Sunday, April 1
went for my 1st private dance classes on fri @ tamp.. so darn far,gotta travel half of spore just to get there. luckily wan and sham lives there. now tt the break force crew's out, sham and wan are free!!! so i met them after dance and caught up with them.. it was a really nice time meeting up with them after 123641237642193764213 years. =)
'i really wanna dance again..
Wednesday, March 14
My boyfriend is an angel...
Happy 1st month sweetheart !!!!!
i've been really really happy.. thank you .. =)
Wednesday, March 7
it was a shaky experience. failed btt.. baby met me,was talkin to him in his car.. and....
our car shook.. i was wondering what tt was.and i saw the vehicles beside the car shook too.. EARTHQUAKE!!! YEAH!!! but too bad,the roads didnt split.. mwahahahaha!!!!
sweetheart, thanks for everything you've done. now you've done more than me..
Tuesday, March 6
wonderful day. even thou i burnt my finger cooking lunch and got branded like the cows/pigs.. it was worth it..
for that smile = priceless
Sunday, March 4
finally,after months of hardcore debating, i bought the phone for my daddy. its not about the money..
like baby said, buying him a phone doesnt stop him from seeing her. he still has his line and she can still contact him.
sighs,i bought the phone with a heavy heart. i just didnt wanna think bout what'd happen.
my greatest fear... instead of using the phone i gave him, ...... he gives it to that woman.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............
damn,i'm gettin paranoid here.. sighs...
Saturday, March 3
sweetheart brought up this issue bout me and daddy. i was pretty lost and had mixed feelings.
when i think bout daddy, i'll think about the family.
are we happy?
here i am keeping the greatest secret of all.. and i feel terrible keeping this darkest secret from her. sighs. i really hate being me now.
relationship. i'm scared,i admit,i'm scared. how much hope can i put in? once bitten twice shy.
what am i to expect. look at my dad, how can i think positively????
sighs...
i really don't know..
i keep havin doubts bout myself. i just dont know how to handle them..
She's that girl ♥
A petite girl who loves to socialise and have tons of fun!
I'm patient but don't try to test the limits.
i have not tried kicking butts yet... There are some people i definitely do NOT want to meet(on a personal social basis) :
1) Ah Bengs and Ah Lians
2)Girls who try too hard to be cute(kawaii NEHHH!!Omg,gimme a break!).
3)Posers (jap wannabes,breakdancers wannabes and end up breaking their bones instead,rapper wannabes and end up un-rapping themselves) well,as long as you don't belong to those categories,you're most welcomed to join my social circle.
*cheerios!!
Now that I am only working. I have no exams to worry about. I have been thinking about my relationships. I wonder if i'm a person who has very high expectations of my partner. I was reading through my blog entries and about those with ken. I remember just 5 months ago, this relationship was starting to build up.. and i feel that its falling apart now. I don't know how to save it. I don't know what has gotten into me.
I guess i'm undeserving of Ken. I guess i'm not a good girlfriend,and i'm not the one for him.
I have drifted from him. I don't know how to close the gap between us. I know he's trying but i'm just so switched off, rejecting everything that he does.
I just cant explain it.
Thursday, September 24
My mum drives me crazy and i cannot take it anymore.
Monday, August 10
its sunshine after the rain!
after that rough week, we sorted out our problems.. and now we're as good as can be, and i'm grateful that things turned out for the better. =)
i love my job and i love the kids. =)
Friday, July 17
i have a pimple on my eye lid and it hurts like hell.
everyday, for the past few months, i've been asking myself the same question over and over again. "should i stay or should i go". The prob is, i've tried talking, but nothing seems to change.
I dont know the reason behind what i'm feeling, is it that my expectations are just too high?
Thursday, July 16
i wonder why i'm still feeling the same...
i guess some things cant be replaced and it never will.
Sunday, July 12
maybe i cant be the best daughter, maybe i cant be the best girlfriend and maybe i cant be the best friend.
i think i'm too flawed and i'm trying to cover it up with many lies and deceit. Maybe i'm living in denial.
Maybe i dont deserve the people around me. Maybe i'm too self centered.
change, i need to change. i have to change...
Friday, July 10
i guess i can never do things right. and yes, morale = 0.
i hate this feeling.
Thursday, June 25
The greatest flaw that i possess is that i give up too easily. Once i'm faced with an obstacle and somehow i cant quite solve it, i just want to give it up. And i cant help but to think that i'm to be blamed. I know i've not faced with this particular problem before, thus i'm unable to handle it. I dont like what i'm feeling right now and i dont know what to do about it. I just want things to be perfect, but life isnt perfect.
Friday, June 12
i know what i need right now. i feel like getting drunk and cry my eyes out and not bother about anyhing.
i think i just need to break down one last time and move on with life.
Char introduced this song to me and she said this song would probably be one that i could relate to. After hearing it, how true it is.
Hush Hush
I never needed you to be strong I never needed you for pointing out my wrongs I never needed pain, I never needed strain My love for you is strong enough you should have known I never needed you for judgment I never needed you to question what I spend I never ask for help I take care of myself I don’t why you think you got a hold on me
And it’s a little late for conversations There isn’t anything for you to say And my eyes hurt, hands shiver So look at me and listen to me because…
I don’t want to stay another minute I don’t want you to say a single word Hush hush Hush hush There is no other way, I get the final say Because… I don’t want to, do this any longer I don’t want you, theres nothing left to say Hush hush Hush hush I’ve already spoken, our love is broken Baby hush hush
I never needed your corrections On everything from how I act to what I say I never needed words I never needed hurts I never needed you to be there everyday I’m sorry for the way I let go From everything I wanted when you came along But I am never beaten, broken not defeated I know next to you is not where I belong
And it’s a little late for explanations There isn’t anything that you can do And my eyes hurt, hands shiver So you will listen when I say baby…
I don’t want to stay another minute I don’t want you to say a single word Hush hush Hush hush There is no other way, I get the final say Because… I don’t want to do this any longer I don’t want you there’s nothing left to say Hush hush Hush hush I’ve already spoken, our love is broken Baby hush hush
No more words No more lies No more crying
No more pain No more hurt No more trying
I don’t want to stay another minute I don’t want you to say a single word Hush hush Hush hush There is no other way, I get the final say Because… I don’t want to, do this any longer I don’t want you, theres nothing left to say Hush hush Hush hush I’ve already spoken, our love is broken Baby hush hush
Tuesday, June 9
Think i'm feeling very stressed up about everything. Dad's condition is not very good. Didnt tell anyone much cos i really dont wanna talk about it.I guess i'm trying very hard to avoid it,been telling myself to live life as it is. I dont want to face the truth of losing my dad. Does anyone understand it? No, i dont even think my boyfriend does.I dont even tell him that i've been moody and down because of what's going on at home. Mum's bloody stressed up, screams at everyone.Dad gets upset, i get irritated. No one's happy. But does anyone know that we're supposed to make Dad HAPPY? everyone's drowning in their own troubles that no one tries to make my dad happy. Everyday, my dad looks super upset,worrying about my mum and her temper, worrying about his condition.
And honestly, I want to turn to him but find myself a burden and he's always busy with his things. I think i'm bottling everything up right now. I promised to go back to help out for the up comin dragon boat race, HOPING to spend abit more time with my boyfriend, but i end up getting so stressed cos on the other hand, my mum's scolding me for not taking care of the family, and when i stay home, my dad nags at me for not exercising.i cant spend time with my boyfriend, and it doesnt help that he's always tired from training,and he has to be home early cos there's training the next day.
i somehow hate it. i really do. and i'm trying my very best.
Does anyone know how sickening this feeling is? it fucking sucks.
It sucks to be me, really.
Monday, June 8
everytime i have PMS, i feel like i'm suffering from a mid-life crisis. dont know why though.
Thursday, May 21
finally, i ran after 6 months. and i hereby proclaim myself as PHYSICALLY UNFIT! =(
Saturday, May 2
I wish my life would be stagnent. I wish i dont have to worry about so many things. It gets pretty sickening to have to worry about 101 things at the same time.
Dont you wish you were an anime character? To live where you were drawn to be. To live in a place with fresh green grass at every step u take, with wild flowers and butterflies following you everywhere you go.Birds chirping on every treetop,blue skies and cool breeze. And it feels nice to have your hair flying with the wind.
A random thought but how i wish i was an anime character.
Friday, May 1
i swear upon my life, heart and my living soul that i am never ever ever gonna make an illegal turn anymore. Not after what just happened.I am never never gonna be a reckless driver ever again....
Saturday, April 25
Do we really treasure someone whom we loved so dearly only after they're gone?
Now lets look back and ask ourselves if we've done these things to/for our loved ones in 2009.
1) Despite having a hectic schedule, slow down once awhile and tell your dear ones that you love them and care for them?
2) Small actions to show them that you're still there for them?
3) Give them a hug or two just to comfort them?
4) Noticed that they've been rather upset for the whole day?
5) Have a conversation about them and them only?(showing that you're still interested in them?
well, if you never had the habit. DO START NOW because time is running out. No one is certain for sure when the time left you have WITH them is limited.
Because when they're gone..... Sometimes, they're gone forever.
I know time is running out. And once time has run out, there's none left for me. And there's no more turning back. Neither is there a 2nd chance given. Because life is cruel, it's never fair. It snatches your love away from you. No room for regret because nothing can be done.
And when the time comes, I have to let him go with no regrets. Knowing that i have done my best for him, and i couldnt have been better. Knowing that i have been by his side, giving him all the support i can ever give.
Friday, April 24
1001 emotions i'm dealing with right now. Had an emotional talk with bestie on the way home. The only person i can turn to right now, everyone's having exams, and i dont wanna be a burden to anyone.
i have a problem trying to find myself . Not with all the bottled up emotions. One thing leads to another, one problem leads to another.
I am very very troubled. And honestly, i feel like going for councelling. But i know it wldnt be of any help. It's hard to solve the problems i have on hand. More bad news for my dad.
There's so much i can take and so much i can handle. Sometimes, i know its too much for my little brain to absorb and think for solutions.
I am fortunate, yet unfortunate. I'm the only child, yet not everyone faces what i'm facing. No siblings to share my burden. This burden i'm carrying, its really really very heavy.
i feel like a lost girl. No one can give me advise because no one can understand how i feel because they've not been in my position. Or maybe they can relate to the particular unfortunate event that happened in my life. But i have never met anyone who has gone or is going through what i am going through right now, everything being thrown at your face. i think i'm on the edge of breaking down real bad.
sometimes i feel so alone even though i have friends around me. and i find myself not really myself lately, i have been spacing out every other minute. feels like i'm always in a daze, and i dont smile as much anymore. i feel very sad.
Been praying every other minute of the day. I need to find my feet. I need to be strong.
I want a life that most single children have. The life that people always sterotype how a single child's life should be.
Every night i go to sleep, thinking that tomorrow's a brand new day and things will be better. But it isnt. I dont know if i am deceiving myself.
I'm trying, still trying..
Wednesday, April 22
Isnt it too late to treasure the one you used to love after you've lost her?
Its too late, too sad...
Tuesday, April 21
I am suck in Ngee Ann Library trying so damned hard to study. But production = -10. Munching the hours away, dozing off once in a while because of the effect of the cough medicine. I wished I am better, but i'm still coughin my nights away and i'm lacking of sleep. The nights are so darn hot that i actually perspire when i sleep! i cant turn on the air con and with the fan blowing straight at me, I still perspire like mad. =( I feel like a pig. =(
HAIYA... feel damn terrible la!
Friday, April 17
Almost Lover-A Fine Frenzy
Your fingertips across my skin The palm trees swaying in the wind Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies The sweetest sadness in your eyes Clever trick
I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye my almost lover Goodbye my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be
So long my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should have known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street You took my hand and danced with me Images
And when you left you kissed my lips You told me you would never ever forget these images No
I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye my almost lover Goodbye my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be
So long my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should have known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean I cannot drive the streets at night I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted And I'll bet you are just fine Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life
Goodbye my almost lover Goodbye my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be
So long my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should have known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do
Thursday, April 16
I am pretty much pissed right now. I dont know what to say, but when i try to make things right, EVERYTHING always doesnt turn out right.
i am pissed.. not at anybody, just at the sequence of events and the tone that dad gave me and the screaming that i am going to get from mum later.
i am in a damn lousy mood.
Just as i am trying to make everything perfect. Everything isnt perfect for me.
Tuesday, April 14
It sucks to be sick at this present moment. Time wasted and my studying time has shortened. Dang the flu bug.Thanks for attacking me at the wrong time. And i'm now waiting for the drowsiness to take over my soul. I think i'm sprouting nonsense..
Saturday, April 11
Time flies as fast as how the lightning strikes. I know its not the best description but its 12am on a Sat morning and i have a 7 hour lecture from 10am to 5pm on Saturday and on Sunday.. its totally draining. Anyway, back to the point, I just realised that next week marks our 5th month of being together.
And i love him more then ever! =)
But damnit, bad timing. the darn exams around the corner.. And i'm growing fatter day by day.
And.. i dont know what else to blog about. i think i've became a B O R I N G person. =(
Monday, April 6
In the mids of trying to sort out my horrible notes. Van introduced me to PhotoFunia. Cool stuff there.
And i thought about the caption for this photo. " Our love story" .
Soooo sweeetttt!!!
My life has been pretty much mundane. Study, eat, surf the net, watch tv, study, eat, study eat.
I think i'm 2kg heavier now. stressed, the much awaited stress has finally befallen upon me!!
oh boy. i need to handle it. Like a MAN!. =)
Thursday, April 2
Why cant i have a perfect body?i'm not only talking the slim body, long legs, but i mean being healthy. My IBS( irritable bowel syndrome) is killing me too!!! just to enlighten you, here's an explanation about what IBS is. I understand that not many people heard of this before, me neither. If it wasnt for me having IBS, i wouldnt even know this existed.
What is irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)?
Irritable bowel syndrome is a disorder characterized most commonly by cramping, abdominal pain, bloating, constipation, and diarrhea. IBS causes a great deal of discomfort and distress, but it does not permanently harm the intestines and does not lead to a serious disease, such as cancer. Most people can control their symptoms with diet, stress management, and prescribed medications. For some people, however, IBS can be disabling. They may be unable to work, attend social events, or even travel short distances.
What are the symptoms of IBS? Abdominal pain, bloating, and discomfort are the main symptoms of IBS. However, symptoms can vary from person to person. Some people have constipation, which means hard, difficult-to-pass, or infrequent bowel movements. Often these people report straining and cramping when trying to have a bowel movement but cannot eliminate any stool, or they are able to eliminate only a small amount. If they are able to have a bowel movement, there may be mucus in it, which is a fluid that moistens and protect passages in the digestive system. Some people with IBS experience diarrhea, which is frequent, loose, watery, stools. People with diarrhea frequently feel an urgent and uncontrollable need to have a bowel movement. Other people with IBS alternate between constipation and diarrhea. Sometimes people find that their symptoms subside for a few months and then return, while others report a constant worsening of symptoms over time.
Symptoms include -Abdominal pain or discomfort for at least 12 weeks out of the previous 12 months. These 12 weeks do not have to be consecutive. -The abdominal pain or discomfort has two of the following three features: +It is relieved by having a bowel movement. +When it starts, there is a change in how often you have a bowel movement. +When it starts, there is a change in the form of the stool or the way it looks.
-Certain symptoms must also be present, such as +a change in frequency of bowel movements +a change in appearance of bowel movements +feelings of uncontrollable urgency to have a bowel movement +difficulty or inability to pass stool +mucus in the stool +bloating
Researchers have found that women with IBS may have more symptoms during their menstrual periods, suggesting that reproductive hormones can worsen IBS problems. In addition, people with IBS frequently suffer from depression and anxiety, which can worsen symptoms. Similarly, the symptoms associated with IBS can cause a person to feel depressed and anxious. well, there is no cure to IBS, and yes, it can be HELL.. those symptoms as mentioned above, is EXACTLY what i'm experiencing.AND IT IS SO NOT COOL! quite alot of suffering actually. I have to literally RUN to the toilet suddenly a few times a day. And i have DIARRHOEA ALL YEAR ROUND!.. sighs..
Why cant i be perfect?
Sunday, March 29
I'm down with sore eyes!!! =( Show me some love! come cure my sore eyes!! =p
Saturday, March 28
where can i find the motivation to study??? where where where??? so screwed!!!! urgh!
Tuesday, March 24
studying the afternoon and snacking all day long... soooo siannn.... =)
and sweetheart i love you so..
OMFG!!! i just saw a video from Zaihar's class.. and omg omg omg omg.. damnnnnnn DOPE!!! DOPE DOPE DOPE DOPE DOPE DOPE DOPE!! i wanna dance like now now now now now!!! =( i know by the time my exam's over,i'm a rusty old cow..
i miss dance!! i wanna dance dance dance!!!!!!!!
Saturday, March 21
Alright, i am going to copy and paste Wen Yang's latest blog post! (Wen Yang, dont sue me for plagiarism ok?) I am doing that because i kinda agree with him to a certain extent.
"She has strayed and it hurts like hell. A common phrase that some men often use. So how do men actually get out of this blazing train wreck and move on?
Most people say that infidelity is unacceptable. Despite this, we continue hearing stories about how illicit affairs do damage to couples. All it can take is a single moment of forbidden lust to destroy years of trust and deal a huge blow to one’s self esteem. There are many statistics to back this up but there’s one that caught my eye: At least one if five women will cheat on their partners in their lifetime. And if you’re wondering. The rate for men, isn’t too much higher away.
While there isn’t any doubt that a betrayal of such kind can quickly end a relationship no matter how short or long. There are couples that are able to cross this hurdle and make that long and arduous turn around that bend. If you are committed to forgiving your partner and moving on, realising that there are no quick fixes. Chances are, before the both of you actually can reach that “two-peas-in-a-pod” status again, you’ll likely have to open a huge can of worms and work on the weak spots in your relationship that were and all in likelihood, present even before the breach of trust occurred.
1. Dip deep: The plain and simple truth is that the healing process is not a walk in the park. Before any restoration will begin, first thing to do is to inspect what went wrong.
2. Get help: For many couples, the obvious is just under their noses. It just takes another objective perspective to see what it is.
3. Rebuild trust: Trust is essential and it’s something we often take for granted until it’s gone.
4. Letting go: As a victim of your partner’s betrayal, you’re bound to be plagued by thoughts of betrayal. It’s something you can’t run away from.
How to spot a cheating partner: 1. Mutual friends start acting strangely around you. 2. She stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you. 3. She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout programme. 4. She sets up a new email account and doesn’t tell you about it. 5. She starts to delete all incoming and outgoing phone calls from the called ID. 6. She deletes all incoming emails when they used to accumulate. 7. She suddenly wants to try new love-making techniques. 8.Your intuition tells you that something is not right. 9. She goes to the store for groceries and comes home five hours later.
Why women stray: 1. Loneliness - Partners spend more time at work, etc. 2. They allow friendships with “guy friends” to go too far. Constant proximity does stir up emotions a little. And admit it, guys can be jerks. Especially those who eye girls who are already in relationships. 3. Revenge is sweet. Women cheat to give their unfaithful partners a taste of their own medicine."
well, here's my part of the arguement. Yes, i agree that WOMEN DO STRAY. But it takes 2 hands to clap. Women dont stray unless they're unhappy with something. That means somehow somewhere in the relationship, something went wrong. Because WE are not satisfied in someway( and it does not mean sexually satisfied) . Women need to be given attention to IN ALL WAYS. Emotionally,mentally and physically being there for them and also sexually in the sense that woman wanna feel that they belong to you exclusively, a part of them that they wanna share with their partners. I believe if any of those elements is lacking, women would go fishing for it in some other men. So how do we settle this problem? Who should we side on now if we are given the situation where the woman DOES talk to the man bout her needs and her wants but the guy just doesnt understand and doesnt give it to her and she's still unsatisfied? Or given that they are worlds apart and the guy cant be with her 24/7?Would it be wrong if she goes in search for her own happiness?
I do stand for girls because we NEED ATTENTION. Every woman need to feel complete.Its a girl thing. Guys are more to the "heck-care" side, meaning that they're not so picky when it comes to those elements mentioned in the above. Girls are more sensitive by nature and they want the relationship to be perfect,they wanna feel complete. Thats why when on the of the elements is missing, they will search for the missing part to feel complete.It is just like you studying for you A levels, you cant do well for your prelims, and you current tutor is not fulfilling our dreams and your wants, therefore you go in search for another tutor in the mean time. Its not like totally wrong right?
And thus, men should also pay attention to their ladies and make sure that they can handle them as well as their workload etc.etc. So for men, if you cant do it, DONT find yourself a woman because you wont be able to handle her.
And after all that i've said, i think that if women are unhappy with their relationship, they should just move on.
Friday, March 20
I pray for strength and endurance through this period. Its a mind over body thing. I have been reminding myself constantly that this is the future of me. I need this, i need to work hard. I need to get good grades and earn more money. WORK HARD WORK HARD WORK HARD!
Once awhile my body slips into the lazy mode and I cant seem to be able to get it back to work. Frustrated and irritated, at the end of the day, my progress for studying is as good as none. Or so i believe.
I have already sacrificed dance till the end of May. I am not dancing one bit, with this sacrifice made, i have to maximise my time.... i must i must i must!
Dear Cheryl,
Please study hard now, or you will regret later. you only have one chance and make full use of it. At the end of the day, its your future that you're screwing around with, not anyone else's life. Do it FOR yourself.. and you effort will be paid off.
My gentle reminder.
and now, i'm off to studying.
This is just to channel my stress and frustrations with myself. Hope no one thinks i'm mentally unsound. =)
I am a very proud owner of the new Asus F6Vseries and the All-In-One Deskjet pinter (scanner,copier and printer). woohoo!!! Love my new laptop to the max! I can play Left 4 Dead and Dota!!! wohooo!!! love it love it love it!!! And now,i can kiss my lousy Acer laptop goodbye!!! mwhahahahah!!! Thanks mum!!
i'm sooo happy !!! =) now i can do everything in my room!! that means i can camp in my room for days..
I realised that i saved quite abit of money because i havent been going out.Which is a very good thing. Gonna study tomorrow! woooo!!! ok. i'm usually not this high about studying. But i couldnt be happier. =)
Monday, March 16
I AM SO BLOODY *****ING PISSED! what happened to the justice in the world???? Where has it gone too?
Remembered this case of a father from Austria who imprisoned his daughter for 24 years in the cellar under his house and fathered 7 children of his own? He regularly raped his daughter for a period of 24 years!! and her children have seen no sunlight or fresh air. Just came across the article that he pleads guilty of incest and you know what charges his faces?? UP TO 15 YEARS!!! WHAT THE FUCK!! HE RAPED HIS DAUGHTER FOR 24 FUCKING YEARS AND ALL HE GETS IS A (UP-TO-15 )YEAR JAIL TERM???????????????????????
i feel like killing this man. And you know one of his daughter's baby was still born and he burnt the baby in a boiler in the cellar!
WHY IS THIS MONSTER ONLY CHARGED FOR 15 YEARS?????? i know he's 73. BUT UP TO 15 means it can be A SHORTER JAIL TERM!!!!
wtf wtf wtf wtf!! i'm speechless... my blood's boiling and i feel like killing this man. i feel like torturing him but cutting his penis into pieces and leave it dangling from his body, dig his balls out and cut out his muscles from his arms and legs, slid his stomach and hang him from his wrist. Leaving him to die slowly.
Why do the world's most hideous monster be let of on a short jail term? i really really really dont understand...
It was our 4th Monthsary yesterday. And we had the most romantic time watching the movie "Coming soon". Know what my reason for watching it??So Ken could hug me when i was scared ( which was throughout the whole movie).. and YES! i got what i wanted (at the expense of my leg cramping up).. And due to the pre-examination stress and the PMS, was pretty moody today. But i tried my very best to make it a happy day! I do hope i succeeded though. And i saw PRETTY GOLDEN SHOES by Suppa! and you know how much it cost? 350 bucks!
And i was a tiny winneeyyy bit of narcissistic when i reached home awhile ago. heh!
oh well.. now that play time's over. time for the mad mugging session!! =) Hope all will be well. =)
the best picture for the day. =)
wooo~~~
i cant describe this picture..
this too!
Thursday, March 12
It is 4.30am in the morning and I'm suffering from Insomnia once again. For the past few days, i've been getting to sleep with the help of my Flu tablets(those that will cause drowsiness) and have been sleeping rather peacefully, and of course, i overslept. And I have been waking up feeling groggy.
My plan tonight was to go to sleep without popping the Flu tablets. Geez, the plan failed miserably, and i've been tossing and turning in bed for 4 friggin hours. I wanted to wake up early tomorrow to do my maths. But I guess i'll be waking up just in time for tuition. I think deep down inside, I'm feeling a lil stressed out and freaked out by the fact that the examination is just 7 weeks away. And half of my mind is telling me that there's no hope while the other half of me is trying to pick up the momentum to study but Maths is draining me of my brain juices. I need a miracle. Like seriously.
I just took the Flu tablet and i think i'm gonna knock out in 20 mins time. I dont want to sleep so un-naturally but i cant help it. Stress is slowing biting my ass away. Decided to release some stress yesterday by playing Left 4 Dead. I guess shouting in the Lan shop DO help me release the tension somehow. And i walk out of the Lan shop feeling refreshed. Its like, taking 2 hours of your time and indulge yourself in the world of fiction. Oblivious to the outside world. I guess Left 4 Dead is my official examination stress therapy. Shopping is obviously out because i end up feeling guilty, which is definitely not helping to curb my stress. I need more productive studying. i need, i must, i must achieve. I feel like yanking my hair out at this moment. I feel so screwed. And i think that helping myself to release the stress is by avoiding it. And thus, i'm tryin not to study. WHICH IS NOT GOOD! i need to think of a better way.
My determination and will-power is so bloody pathetic. No wonder i can never get anywhere in life. I suck. grr! I'm so pissed with myself.
Why cant i be like Kenichi? Why cant i have that immense amount of discipline like he does? I know it is instilled in him . But WHY cant i be like that? i totally lack of it. which now separates me from him. Because he's the hardworker, i'm the sick-ass slacker. I cant help but compare myself to him. i need a slap on the face.
WAKE UP CHERYL WAKE UP!
I hope this period will end soon. And i'm falling alseep now.
Ciaos.
Wednesday, March 11
As you can see, updating my blog isn't my 1st priority.Been busy with dance and a tiny winy bit of studying. But i think its time i should at least scribble something here.
Dance Works'09 has come to an end. And i'm very proud of Dreamwerkz aka DWZ for achieving the "MOST ARTISTIC AWARD" woohoo!!! crongrats my babies! after 2 months of hard work and tears and perspiration, our efforts have finally paid off. I am so glad we didnt go home empty handed. =)
A HUGE THANK YOU to those who came down to support me despite of the large crowd and the rainy weather.You guys still came down to support me. I AM EXTREMELY GRATEFUL to you all. Thank you thank you.
Thank you daddy and mummy for making it down to my competition. FINALLY the came to support me!!
A special thanks to my boy for getting me the cutesy bear, and for MAKING it for me @ the Build a Bear store. =) thanks for doing it even though all the kids were looking at you. LOVE YOU BOY!
Heres the video of our item :
And some pictures!
He loves my hair!
me and meishan~!
me and Wan!
Thursday, February 26
my studying has been non-progressive. how how how how how?? tomorrow's my first paper for prelims and i'm not even half done with the subject! screw it la. am pretty pissed with everything. Dance is starting to get stressful as it is only a week left to the Competition and there's just too much things to do.
Took a break last night from studying. And i'm wondering how in the world am i going to pass my econs paper. But Thank GOD that this is not my real exams or I'd be ROTTING DEAD MEAT. Cant concentrate, bad bad bad.
And I'm gonna head straight home after dance practice to mug. Decided not to go for Allegra's class for the beginners. Or else i would be heading straight to bed after dance and i cant afford that.
Raining heavily now. stuck at home. And i have half the mind to start mugging again.
OK. i have decided not to go for dance and to stay home and study.
-go Cheryl! you can do it!-
Tuesday, February 24
Studying has been rather unproductive for me. I spend my days dancing and dancing and dancing. There's an upcoming dance competition, Dance Works 2009. Its on the 7th March (Saturday) at Plaza Sing. As for the timing wise. i think its around 2pm. Well, this explains me dancing every day. It got a lil bad that i was bed-ridden one day. It was the day after the filming for Police and Thief. And i'm not sure if i'm going to watch myself on TV, think i'd look ridiculously stupid dancing.
Been trying my best to study whenever i can( but definitely not now) i dont seem to feel stress. and this is not good! As the chinese saying goes ," last minute hug buddah's leg" ahahha... my direct translation from the chinese saying. i would usually kiss and hug and clean buddah's leg. I know it wont work for me this time round. so i'm practically on my own.
And i've been having this strange feeling recently, its bugging me to give everything up. Dance, Relationship, studies. I dont know why, but i just dont feel like myself lately. And yes.. i know.. i think its PMS.And it didnt help that i had that dream 2 days ago that made me so emo. Sometimes, its not that we dont want to let go of the past. Its the memories of the past that we have that kills us and even though we're supposed to hold on to the sweet memories and move on. Holding on to those memories WONT allow you to move on because you'll be living in the memories. And your mind would want to travel back to the past. So tell me HOW on earth can you move on? Beats me. Dont get me wrong. I'm not trying to compare relationships here . Just saying that there are some memories that you just cant hold on to because it breaks you but you cant forget them because they are memories. The only way i can think of, that makes you erase the memories is to get involved in an accident and you suffering from head concussion. That will definitely wipe ALL your memories away. Its just like buying a new thumb drive. Sighs, how i wished i have a boyfriend who would sweep me off my feet and makes me fall in love over and over and over again. Someone who gives me new excitement. well... its just a wish. Dont we all have wishes too? AGAIN! Dont get me wrong, i love my boyfriend. But everyone's different. We dont get to date our dream guy/girl. Then again, even if you do, you might not be happy too because you just dont feel for him as much as you thought you would. So yea, i'm just blogging my thoughts, FYI, i tend to think ALOT. I'm not putting my boyfriend down or what-so-ever. So dont get the wrong idea.
My mood at this current is PERFECTLY NORMAL... AS normal as this.!
and i realised i'm image conscious. err.. i dont quite like my 2 front teeth. makes me look like a rabbit. honestly, i hate it. But i think its retarded to spend a thousand bucks or two just to put braces for me 2 front teeth right? oh well... i'm still trying to deal with it.
And after spending 15 mins on blogging, i realised i dont know where this entry is leading to. There's no conclusion for this. well.. This is my Random Thinking. =)
oh and before i forget. Left 4 dead is AWESOMEEEEEEE !! i'm addicted to it!! woohoo!! =)
And here is the details for my dance competition. Do come down and support SIM-Dreamwerkz okie?
DANCE WORKS'09 7TH MARCH 2009 (SATURDAY) PLAZA SINGAPURA 2PM-5PM.
Saturday, February 14
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY MY BABY!!! Valentine's Day is finally here!! well, its not the most special day of my life. But i'm still excited over it because for the 1st time in my life, i'm gonna make valentine's day present with my lovely valentine! =)
Well, half of my day would be spent with Ryan.Gonna have dance from 11.30 to 4pm. But its ok. As long as i can see my cuppycake, i'm happy! =)
blur but beautiful nevertheless..
we'll walk down this path together baby..
=)
i love this picture..
silly boy, you make me laugh. =)
'and you make me smile, even if its just for awhile.. i love you my silly boy
Friday, February 13
Came across my latin dance ranking for Jive.. and boy i missed it big time... i want this dance. i wanna dance. Rumba.. Jive!! Sighs, if only Yang wasnt like that, we'd still be dancing and we'll make history.. Miss dancing with him.. If only we could work together again. I really really want to dance, Latin dance in particular. The grace, the passion and the fire!!! I want to fill the dance floor with lots of passion and love.
Can i just dance and not study?? well.. just a thought....
Thursday, February 12
I am getting irritated with my laptop. 4 years old, its dead and gone! keeps hanging at the critical moments, just as i'm transferring my files. And my files disappeared after the lappy un-hanged itself. The IT show is coming soon. Its time to change a new laptop. It'd be my new baby!!! woohoo!! i just need a small handy laptop for me to surf, msn and listen to songs. I am a total NOOB when it comes to artsy programs. Am not an IT savy person so i'll just settle for a simple laptop. =)
I want to dance right now!!!
and i'm in the mood for sentimental love songs... =)
'hold me in your arms tonight and rock me till i'm sound asleep..
Wednesday, February 11
I am pretty much satisfied with myself today. Though i travelled ALL the way to Woodlands library to study and spent 3 hours doing one chapter. I am still happy because i knew i studied that chapter pretty much in detail.
In the mids of my studying, I received a phonecall from my tuition agency asking me if i have reached my tuition kid's house. And i realised that i was supposed to have my 1st lesson today.Luckily i managed to push the tuition to tomorrow. So i'll be tutoring 2 kids and dance in the evening. I am looking forward to dance! wooo!! love it to the maxxxx!! Ryan's choreo is damn DOPE! =) am loving it!
and i miss my boy..... lovely lovely boy. i think he's rushing to finish his project so that he can come over my house on Valentine's Day to make our present!! am really looking forward to Saturday!!!-prays for Saturday to come quick!- yayyyyy..
ITS Wednesday and I'm in LOVE!!!
and i love this picture of us too!!
Tuesday, February 10
NRA held the Post Production Party over the weekends at The Pavillion . The theme for the party was RETRO BABBY!!! And for the first time in my life, i actually PERMED my HAIR!!! it was BEAUTIFUL!!! loved the hair-do even though it only lasted half the night.Thanks to my beloved Jasmine who painstakingly stood there for 1 hour just to curl my hair. Thank you so much my dear!!! And now i have the urge to perm my hair for real!!
Had quite abit of fun that night. Some of the guys were dressed in super retro clothes and it was pretty hilarious, with the afro hair and all.. honestly, i really love dance people because they are so damn spontaneous about everything. Its a whole load of fun with them. If one acts stupid, everyone will act stupid together. Love this spirit! It definitely brightens your all-so-dull days. Hanging out with them just brings you lots of laughter all day long.
Went to IKEA with sweetie after class to shop for our D-I-Y Valentine's Day present. After 13847132 years, we finally ate Swedish Meatballs and chicken wings!! It was a scrumptious meal, a great treat for me after doing 2 1/2 hours of the head spinning Maths. I swear i hate mathematics!! It makes me go crazy!! Alright, back to where i was, we went Queensway Shopping Centre to shop a little. Sweetie bought a bag for training and nothing caught my eye really. Which was a blessing in disguise or else I'd be spending MORE money buying MORE shoes.. =)
I am looking forward to our Valantine's Day/3rd Monthsary!!! yayayayay!!!
and cheryl's gone for 10 months and i miss her like crazyyyyyyyyyy...
Anyway, some of the pictures i took over the weekends.
Me and Joel the retro uncle
Dreamwerks!!! LOVE YOU GUYS!
Me and JJ
Ok, i was bored, and this is hellua "ACT CUTE AH LIAN"
My nicely permed hair
at the end of the night, my curls were gone.. =(
Friday, February 6
This naughty girl didnt wake up for her morning class again! but its alright.I had a wonderful time today. Sweetie brought me to his friend's 21st birthday celebration at the Arts house. I must say, he has wonderful friends. =)
And i realised, its him being blur at times that makes me smile.He's the most decent guy i've ever met. He treats me like a gem and i feel loved.. I really appreciate every little thing he has done for me. I know that i did complain to my friends at the beginning. But everything is falling into place right now. I'm happy seeing him,even if its for a short while...
With this being said,it brings me to a conclusion....that unknowingly, i'm falling deeper in love with him.. and i feel this sense of happiness coming back to me. This wave of sweetness is sweeping through my body. Indulging and addictive. and i dont wanna lose him.never. =) I am willing to stand by him. Through thick and thin, and make this relationship last for as long as it takes.
Because i love him, really do.
just thinking bout it makes me feel fuzzy all over. =)
oh crap, this is a teary post.. Verena's telling me about Sk and i feel soooooo happy for her that she has a wonderful boyfriend... WE ARE THE LUCKIEST GIRLS EVER!!!!!!!!
I am so fortunate! i really am.. =)
Thursday, February 5
woohooo!!! I BOUGHT NEW SHOES!!! ... damnn! i just spent money again!! alright! i know shouldnt be justifying the money spent there... but but but.... -gives the sad eyes- it was so nice.... i really couldnt help it.. i'm a bloody sucker for perfumes and shoes.. dance shoes especially.. ahhh!!! okok. I promise NOT to buy anymore dance shoes. 5 pairs is ENOUGH! i need someone to spank me now! like now!! ken darling!! heee~~~ i do feel guilty spending so much money on these shoes. considering i just bought my limited edition Nike high cut dunks just last month.... ahhhh!!!!!!! i deserved to be chained up!!
its alight.. just take a look at the shoe... nice right?? the inside of the shoe is velvety. super duper comfy!
anyway, ken gave me the link to my favourite jap singer, Atari. His voice is as soothing as the sound of flowing water, its like my personal lullaby. Hearing his voice puts me to sleep,NOT in a bad way but it eases my mind instantly.. He's a very good singer indeed. =) just watch and you'll know what i mean. i know not everyone will be able to appreciate him, one man's meat is another man's poison. So, to those who can appreciate it, here is the video.
Tuesday, February 3
What do you do when you have nothing else to do other then studying? -Blog. i was bored out of my skin and decided to flip through my things. And I found poems that i've written a long long time ago, back when i was in my Secondary school days. And i'm amazed at the number of poems i wrote. Actually, i realised most of them were poems i wrote when i got dumped. how silly. But nevertheless, i feel like posting them up. =)
Here i go.......
This was written in either 2002 or 2003
Forget..
Ink Spreading across the page, we spoke once again of embracing each other in a moment of vanilla and nightfall.
The days are alike, sorrow fills our hearts. tears forming in my eyes, a cloud falling upon us.
We were learning to love, open up,take matters into our own hands. The hope held us tight. For 1 year my heart soared. Its wings stretching and spreading.
But these moments are finished, as we open the door, tangled with emotions, we whispered.... "Goodbye"
-by cheryl
Lost..
Darkness envelopes her.. as she plunges into total darkness.. she is blinded by the cruel world.. a world full of pain and sufferings..
silently cursing the world so unkind.. wishing she could escape into the other worlds.. but there isn't any place to run away..
she sits and stares. feeling lost and disorientated.. hot tears stream down her cheeks.. she screams... hoping that would it take away her pain.. but she still feels the same...
and nothing would change.... it never will...
-by cheryl
Missing you
the days have passed... but none without you in my heart.. i've said it once, and said it twice.. but once again i'll say it tonight.. i miss you now, and i'll miss you always.. till the day, i've found u my love, and fall into my arms, once again...
-by cheryl
OH! and this poem is my ALL TIME FAVOURITE...
You and Me
Dawning upon my memories, all that's left of you and me. We had so much to share, but now i'm living in despair. As you gloat over our past, those bitter-sweet memories we had, will always be close to my heart.
A tragic ending to our relationship. is now a living nightmare to me. I have to go on, without you here with me.
Many a times, you whispered into my ears, of words i wanted to hear. It sent my heart skipping, never did it stopped beating. This was how much you meant to me.
But its all over now. The pain in my heart, Is slowly subsiding.
As days pass, i'll grow stronger, like never before. And i'll be on my own two feet again. That was you, And this is me.
-by Cheryl
ok i'm pretty tired typing all the poems out.Thats all for now.. i cant believe i wrote that when i was 15 years old. talk about love huh? and yea, i was heart broken over and over again till i'm sick and tired of this love game. hahha... how much we believed in love when we were young. Now that we've all grown up. We'll ask, "What is love?". And we wont know the answer..
Money makes the world go crazy!
alright! time for some updates.
"All adult Singaporeans will get GST Credits of up to $1,000 to help them with the impact of the GST increase. Those who earn less or live in smaller homes will get more GST Credits. Nearly three-quarters of adult Singaporeans will get $800 each. NSFs and NSmen will also get a one-off $100 of GST Credits to recognise their contributions to national security."
And as part of the Financial Year 2009, the GST Credits and Senior Citizens' Bonus for 2009 will be doubled!! YAYNESS!!! thats uber good news!! cheers people! we'll get back the money we've given to the government!! FYI, the 1st GST offset package FIRST payout is on the 1 March 2009. So do check your bank accounts on that day! woohoo!! money money money! Well, if you have signed up for your GST Credits in 2007 and wish to donate your 2009 GST Credits, you may do so from 15 February to 23 June 2009 at the official website.. i think its www.gstoffset.gov.sg. To all the kind souls out there, please take note of the dates.
A big thank you to Mr Tharman Shanmugaratnam, our Minister for Finance who announced the Resilience Package totaling $20.5 billion this year. This is to help us Singaporeans see though this period of financial difficulty and Singapore to emerge with strength when the global economy recovers.
This is good news isnt it? NSF.. 100 bucks more! dang i wished i were an NSF. Then again , on second thoughts, having to go through 2 years of shit.. nah, i think i'll pass.. haha
I am suffering from extreme compulsive shopping behavior. Horrible! It has only been less then a week after chinese new year and my ang bao money's almost gone!!! KUDOS cheryl! you have just wasted money yet again... anyway. Am debating whether i should quit my job at the gym because i have another job offer that pays me at least 2 times more then the gym does, minus the long travelling time. Think i'll earn more money with this other job.
Had a double lunch date yest with my darling Cheryl and Wenyang. Brought them to "Sakuraya Fish Mart". 4 years of patronizing that place and it never fails to put a smile on my face. The salmon sashimi there THE BEST! You will moan with pure sweet pleasure when u take your first bite. YES! i mean MOAN. The sashimi is soo darn fresh and sweet that it is ORGASMIC!!And i mean it. Darling Cheryl loves it to the CORE! well, the picture speaks for itself. Screw Sake Sushi,Edo Sushi and sakura. This beats every single one of the express sushi bar with the salmon red plates that cost you 6 bucks and its damn unfresh. I bet you a million bucks that when you have your first bite of salmon sashimi at "Sakuraya Fish Mart" , you'll NOT want to eat any another salmon sashimi at sake sushi and the other sushi places. it is THAT GOOD!.
and after all the gorging of salmon sashimi, me and cheryl were contented. =)
I think i'm learning how to appreciate everything and to embrace the flaws of others. i must learn to be patient.. i must i must... I bet you're salivating now.. =p
me and lovely.
cheryl and wen yang
Cheryl had her farewell dinner over at her place last saturday. I couldnt help but feel sad. Dont want her to go overseas to study. i will miss her badly. =( . she's leaving on sunday.. SO SOON!!!! =(
I will miss you like crazy!!!
we'll miss you,cheryl
our silly little moments. =)
Tuesday, January 27
just came home from a movie.watched "love matters", a movie by jack neo. its not as funny as "money not enough 2", that movie was hilarious! And i finally got to hang out with vivian darling!! though i felt like a damn bright light bulb because she was with helmi. but its alright! i'm always the light bulb with my friends..
me and vivian darling!
anyway, banked in my ang bao money just now.. and almost half the money went to pay my credit card bills.. urgh!!!well.. the money collected this year is lesser then the previous years. all thanks to the economic downturn. and my cuzzie told me that she just got retrenched. hope she can get a job soon!
poor ken, while everyone's out visiting, my poor boy's going home early because he has to rush for his 7 projects. wished i could help him..but nevermind, i shall be supportive by being understanding!
oooo.. and i cant wait ti get my new lappie!! wheee~~~ i'm gonna chip in half and mum's gonna sponsor me the other half.. wheee~ this is something to look forward to!!
me and cuzzies!
me and cuzzies again!
I shall sidetrack a little.... This is my financial aim for 2009.
SAVE MONEY SAVE MONEY SAVE MONEY!!
Sunday, January 25
If i were a boy- beyonce
If I were a boy, even just for a day I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go Drink beer with the guys, and chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it Cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's taken you for granted And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy, I would turn off my phone Tell everyone it's broken so they think that I was sleeping alone I'd put myself first and make the rules as I go Cause I know that she'd be faithful, waiting for me to come home To come home
If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's taken you for granted And everything you had got destroyed
It's a little too late for you to come back Say it's just a mistake, think I'd forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you You got it wrong
But you're just a boy And you don't understand How it feels to love a girl someday You wish you were a better man You don't listen to her You don't care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wanted Because you've taken her for granted And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy
Dance today was superb! Learnt the choreography for "Circus- by Britney Spears" and the dance was swweeettt! Ryan simply dances right into our hearts.Am really motivated by him. You should have a good look at all our expressions on our faces when we see him dance every lesson. he is truly THE BEST! i am inspired to groove like him! go girl! you can do it!
Had 2 dance sessions again today. Danced from 12 to 3pm, and 5 to 6.30pm. i feel magically refreshed! i am loving every single moment of my life dancing and seeing myself improve as the days pass is very encouraging for me.I am very happy that my dance vocabulary is expanding every week!! well, expanding of the vocab does not necessarily only applies to the english language right? =)
Dance works'09 competition falls on the 7th or 8th of March. which leaves us not much time to get the choreography done and perfecting the routine before the big day comes. Its gonna be pretty stressful for me because I'm gonna have to juggle dance and studies. BUT! I'll gladly do it.. i am wiling to do ANYTHING for dance. i just love it too much to give it up. I'll keep on dancing no matter what happens and I'll do whatever it takes to keep the wild fire burning inside me .even if it means giving something up, i will gladly sacrifice it. i love it toooo much to EVER give it up. no one can stop me. this i am absolutely positively sure.
-hums the tune of "circus"-
honestly. dance IS my life.we live to dance.. "INSPIRE THE WORLD WITH MUSIC AND DANCE" this, is the purpose of every dancer today and i will live by it.
On a less serious note, went to Chinatown after class on friday. The crowd was crazy, and the people were packed like sardines. jasmine came down to look for me,and i decided to leave my other friends. Asked Ken to stay with them as i have already walked around chinatown for 5 hours straight on mon. Nothing very fantastic i must say,but you prolly could get quite abit of new year snacks over there. Tomorrow's the last day of 2008 and new year's gonna be the start of 2009. I pray that we can all get through this financial crisis, its gonna be tough, but we'll survive. =)
Wednesday, January 21
i dont quite know what went wrong with my blog.and i finally managed to squeeze time out to fix it. made pineapple tarties with my mother today and we made 244 tarties altogether. 1 bottle packed specially for kenichi and his family. hope he'll like it. =)
i cant quite explain why i dont have any mood for chinese new year.am wondering if its because i'm already getting older?i mean, as we grow older, chinese new year gets a lil boring.. and oh my, in like 6 years time, its gonna be my generation to give away red packets to our nephews and nieces. oh boy, time flies.. i dont wanna grow old... and i dont wanna get married! i'm reaching almost 1/4 of my life cycle and its depressing. looking back, 5 years ago, i was the angsty rebellious young girl who isnt afraid of breaking the rules. my my!! and i just realised that in 3 months time, i dont have to drive with the "P" plate anymore!!! its almost a year since i got my driving license. .
gone were the days of endless chatting on the phone, dreading to sight of my polka dotted uniform, going out with boys from the boys school. Hanging around serene centre and coronation plaza,making a helluva noise. and i feel old.. everyone's turning 21! and soon i'll be turning 22. and in 2 years time, i'll get my degree, study for another year or two. start work, and settle down.. start a family.. and yada yada. -takes in a deep breath- ok, this is too much for me to handle right now. i gotta stop thinking about this and start studying..
oh! and its dance tomorrow!! yippie! i cant wait! meeting cheryl lovely during my break. gonna miss that girl sooooooooooooooo much when she leaves to study overseas.. -sniffs- wished i could ask her to stay... ='(
this is my favourite photo of me and the lovely cheryl.. so sad! its gonna be a teary affair when i send her off at the airport. =(
Monday, January 19
exams are around the corner, and i have not started studying. totally not in the mood. all i have been doing, is dance, dance, dance and dance.... and here comes the sad part. i have a flair for dance and i'm not in a dance school. i dont have enough dance experience as i just started hip hop. Absolutely no luck in finding a committed dance partner in Latin dance. And i started to ponder, what have i been doing for the past 21 years of my life? where has my dancing gone to? Compared at JJ, she has her dancing career to back her up.. look at me? what do i have? NOTHING. this is devastating...
and it finally dawned upon me that.. i have no freaking GOAL in life??? i have absolutely no interest in accounting anymore. so what the hell am in studying now? and i continued to ask myself... what do i wanna do when i grow up.. andd.. i cant think of any damn occupation.. because i have nothing that i can excel in.
i feel like a failure.... damnit.
Thursday, November 27
I'm a bad bad girl! i totally cant wake up for morning classes! i feel like giving myself a tight slap on the face. Great job girl! you have just wasted your sch fees.
This is bad, i have ZERO motivation to study and i really mean ZERO! Once i start reading my study guide, my mind's switched off immediately. I'm pretty tired mentally and physically.
Anddd i realised. i was supposed to work on tues and i didnt turn up at work.. what the hell am i doing??!!??? this is very unlike me and i have no idea what's going on with me. . sighs... this is atrocious! sighs!
Tuesday, November 25
The 26th Singpore River Regatta has come to and end. It was pretty enjoyable even though we didnt win any medals. I just hope that we wont be discouraged and continue to work hard for the penang race and the future races to come. Nothing interesting happened in my life recently. I've been doing nothing but train eat sleep study.. My daily routines. boring yea? i know. Anyway, happened to watch MTV today and i fell in love with this song Aishiteru by Shimizu Shota. very nice song and i'm addicted to it. =) i think i've listened to his song like 20 times already and i'm still loving it
actually.. i dont know how to read the lyrics either. but nevertheless. its a beautiful song!
Monday, November 17
Its a new beginning. I just pray that this wont be a screwed up r/s .. =)
Saturday, September 27
i have no idea why brazilian waxing today was a killer!! blardy painful... i almost kicked the lady.. =( the price to pay for being vain...
went for a movie marathon with kenichi on wed... We caught mama mia and mirrors. and Boy! i love mama mia.. i love it love it love it!!! it was pretty fun! been happy hanging out with him. and i'm satisfied with the way things are now. =) i really appreciate him taking the courage to confess his feelings towards me(esp in front of everyone). but i felt very bad that we all laughed at him and he blushed like mad. he's cute in his little ways. =)
been seeing him very often.. during dragon boat trainings and hanging out. =) haven really told anyone how i feel about him. i'll just let it stay that way. slow and easy..
Tuesday, September 23
dreamt of me and yang dancing again last night. i really miss dancing. woke up yest mornin with this urge to start a Latin Dance club in SIM. i'd be the happiest girl ever.. i'd give anything up just to dance again.. Rumba.. Cha cha.. Jive ! my favourite!! how i wish i could dance now. tried dancing at home,but it doesnt feel complete.
i wanna go for competition. i want to be better then before! 6th place isnt enough. i feel so handicapped now. the misery of not being able to dance is setting in now. i'm yearning to have a perfect dance partner.. The fire for latin dance is still burning inside me. i dont want it to extinguish. it'd be very sad if it ever happens.. i need to dance..
where i my dance of love?
Wednesday, September 17
my schedule has been rather hectic for the past 2 months.My deepest apologies to my friends. Sorry that i havent been able to meet up with you guys. Now that i've stopped work, i'm much free-er now. I think there's something wrong with my stomach. Whenever i eat something, there'd be this sharp pain and its quite painful.I think i might need to see a doc if it doesnt get any better by friday.
Dragon Boat training has been quite tough but its manageable. Been pretty happy in there too. I'm prolly too busy to be thinking about anything else right now.
Bought a new phone yest, and i am gonna take good care of it and make sure the phone will last. Enough of changing phones... I gotta watch my spending now that i'm not working anymore. =)
gonna make mooncakes after dinner. =)
oh boy, my tummy do hurt quite abit...
Wednesday, August 13
YES!!At last, after 32841239 years, i've finally changed my blog skin. this is a little too pinky for me, but its nice. i like.. haha demure, just what i need.
I have 1 more paper to go. damn, my mathematics paper SUCKS to the CORE!! wasted my time doing past year papers. It was of NO use.. like TOTALLY! disappointing... =(
nevermind. 1 more, just 1 more.. and oh my, i have lots of things happening after my paper.. Fri - after my paper, meeting Kelvin to watch -the love guru-.Shop around for ken's present, gotta be at ken's house at 6pm. BBQ at his house to celebrate the birthday of the August babies.
Sat-Meeting Joven and farewell dinner for Zheng wei.Maybe meeting Cheryl to accompany her to Arena to support her sis's university peagent.
Sun- Dragon boat training in the morning and BBQ with cousins in the evening to celebrate my birthday.
Mon - Lecture in the morning and wakeboarding training. My whole day's burnt.
Tues - Meeting Kelvin to celebrate my birthday! i wonder what he's planned for me.
Wed- Meeting char,germs and gang to have my birthday dinner..
Thurs- dance and dragon boat training.
Fri - no plans YET..
whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......... so packed...... but i like... =)
my 21st birthday is so happening!!!
Friday, August 1
sighs, some friends are having r/s problems. sometimes, advices wont help one bit.Your mind will never agree with your heart. i feel that we're just repeating the same few advices to one another. WE know the answer. BUT we're just not thinking straight.As the chinese saying goes "na de qi,fang de xia". I know i've been repeating this phrase, "accept it with grace", i know thats not what they want to hear but i dont know what else to tell them because i feel this way. we cant change anything, we just have to accept it with grace and move on! There has to be a point in time where you'll have to move on, just have to set a certain time period for yourself to be upset and after that period, block all thoughts of that guy/girl. Life would be much easier. I dont know if thats too harsh though, i know i cant say "everything's gonna be alright" or " you guys will be fine". Its gonna give them false hope. You cant be soft hearted with things like this. Somehow, we girls are at the losing end no matter what because we'll have more emotional attachment then the guys.
I just want to let you know, i love you all too. and i'll be here for you. Just like you all were there for me. =) You'll pull through this period, and you'll be fine. i'll always be here my dears.
Thursday, July 31
i just cant wait to dance later. been trying to study.. i'm glad i started maths, and boy!! my brains are gonna explode. am tryin out maths with no help, trying to figure it out. i hope i can make it man.. and studying makes you snack BIG TIME!! gosh, i'm gonna be phat again!
Tuesday, July 29
wakeboarding yest was UBBERRR fun!!! love it love it love it! purple and eugene are my official wakeboarding khaki!! and i can do 180 and butterslide. and for my next attempt : 1) 360 - 360 turn 2) jump
so exciting!! and for my next wakeboarding session, 18th and 19 th August. =) i really do miss purple, i miss the times in poly, we used to hang out, share our joys and pains tgt. we've seen each other through the worst times of our lives and we've seen the happiest times too. really love this girl too. i'm so glad we're in the same school again! and we have the same loves and she's dancing too!! she just started hip hop. so i'll see her in dance! yay! i can have all in one! well, i like dragon boat too.. but the committment that it requires, leaves me with not much time to do my stuff.. i have another option though, to join EA Dragons. Their trainings are only on sun! tempting, but i dont know how to tell the sim dragon boaters.. dont want them to hate me for leavin them for another team..
urgh! i'm in a dilemma...
Friday, July 25
cheryl's aching all over!! Danced from 5 to 7pm and rushed to dragon boat training till 9pm. this is a lil too crazy, but the aches feel pretty shiok. dance was soild! good work out. am happy!
i cant wait for sea training on sun! going for 2 sessions. 9am-12pm for girls training, 3pm to 5pm for eugene's dragon boat club training. i feel good! not that i'm keeping myself busy, but i feel that i'm healthy finally! gene kept commenting that i'm too tanned!! =( but its only 2 weeks and i've been in the sun like for only 4 timess! not alot what? was browsing my photos. i think i'm a lil black.. gene, you may be right! but maybe i'm just 5 times darker then i was originally was. you know i was fair like hell! maybe you're just not used to it la!!
Thursday, July 24
i have no idea what happened last night. It was supposed to be a happy girls night out with the 2 darling Cheryls, but apparently, something went wrong somewhere.
the night was never meant to end up that way...
just 2 flaming lambos and i was a goner. the only thing i remembered was walking out to the grass patch, and i have no recollection of the rest of the night.
i'm really gonna stay away from drinks. i cant drink for nuts. 1 drink is enough! i hate hangovers... alcohol makes you go crazy and i think i lost it for awhile.
i really really pray doubly hard that i didnt do anything wrong last night that i'd regret. If i did,please let me know. To whom it may concern(i really dont know who is involved) i'm sorry if i offended you last night with my actions or words.. my sincere apologies to those i've cause much inconvenience to. i swear it will never happen again. and i will cry no more. its the last time, i promise. =)
i'm looking forward to dance and gym session later.
Monday, July 21
you know what's the best thing about dragon boating? its the team work that i really admire.. thou super tiring but i think its worth it.. and i'm like pretty tan as compared to last time.
i wonder if i'm going to stay in dragon boating... i do enjoy it, but i still love dancing.. i hate to have to choose either one cause it sucks to have to give one up. till the day i have to choose one, i'll just enjoy every minute of it!!
school sucks, lectures are damn tiring, i cant absorb anything at night!!! crashed mornin lecture last week and i could learn better!! but i'm back to work this week.. and its my last week before i break to study.
anyway, i guess i havent said this to my dad in a long long time, but nevertheless, i dont want to keep it inside me.
This is to my dad :
Daddy, you know i love you deep down inside even though i have never really told you. I treasure every moment spent with you, and i really do love to have you by my side. I know there isnt much time left and i really do want you to hold on and stay with me.. i want you to see me through my university days and the most important day of my life,my wedding day. Please stay with me a little longer. i need you. i really do.
I know bout your deepest secret, i chose to keep it to myself because i want our family to stay together. I have no siblings and if anything were to happen to this family, i'd be lost. I forgive you daddy, for everything you have done. I was extremely hurt and disappointed when you left me home alone to meet her.I know men stray sometimes, but i know mum loves you with all her heart and she sacrificed everything just to take good care of you. Please dont hurt her or me anymore. i love you dad, thats why i'm hurting inside. Daddy, i'll trust you once more, because you have seen the love mum has been showering upon you for the past year. My life hasnt been smooth sailing and sometimes,i feel so vulnerable. Many times,i was on the verge of breaking down,but i still stood strong. Dad,even though i feel like giving up, i am still staying strong for you.
I'm sorry i haven been there because of work and school. I have never told you the reason for me working, because i do not want you to feel bad. But i'll support myself in every way i can. I'm sorry i haven been the nicest daughter either. But dad, i hope my little gestures do assure you that i care. I know i dont usually show it, but i hope you know that i'm always praying for you. Please be strong dad. We are strong for you too.. You know, mum has been crying sometimes too? because she doesnt know what she'd do if you leave us. she needs you, more then i do.
Daddy, you're the best dad ever.. I can lose everything in my life, but I dont want to lose you. i hope i can continue to be strong... but i know someday, i will fall.. and i hope you'll still be there to catch me.
With love, your daughter.
Thursday, July 17
omg, i think i wont be able to lift my hands up tomorrow!! just came back from dragon boat training.. and considering this lazy girl here hasnt been exercising.. running and gyming was a killer to her..
i finally know how the dragon boat girls train with weights.... after more then an hour of gyming (weight lifting).. my veins started popping out.. and bench press sets!!! my assests wil become liabilities!!! nooooooo............... - looks at her humble hills- other then the gyming session, i'm pretty much good with dragon boating. running long distance is alright.. but gyming.. i can feel my arms getting bigger.. i dont want to be like how i was in Year 1 when i chiong-ed weights for my 1st fighting competition. its scary!! the guys there are like HOW STRONG!!! their muscles are like *(@_@)* .... i'm like trying to imagine myself with muscles, looking very tan and dancing !!!! -shivers-.. super weird....
Dragon boat team bonding session this sat at sentosa and sea training on sun.. crazy man...
am glad i caught up with ALL the CHERYLS and charlotte!!! finally we are back tgt!! =) love you girls too!!! i wanna dance again!!! i miss latin dance.. and there's a KL Dancesports championship coming up!!! I WANNA COMPETE!!!!!... I WANT A PARTNER!!!!! cant dance without one... sighs
anyway i'm falling asleep now! guess its gonna be an early night for me!!
This post is going to be my very random thoughts and its not going to make sense...
i'm currently totally in love with Jason Mraz's I'm yours. its addictive to the max.
i cant drink! i drank a lychee martini last night and i was like err.. high? joshua had to like prop my head up with his hand. it was hilarious man. hey josh! i'm glad you're gonna study once again. dont give up no matter what alright? i wonder how's his sis doing.. been 5 years since i last saw josh's sis,esther.. if anyone remembers her, she used to go mad monks!! the havoc days !!!
Dragon Boat training today. am feeling lazy, not in the mood to run and gym. i'm still skeptical bout it, i dont want to be a she-man... i shall KIV for now... till 5pm
And... i think i want to be ignorant!!!! like how i used to be, the lesser i know, the better. truths unfolding, cold hard facts, am pretty much speechless.. i dont know how to put the pieces together. its like a 10,000 piece puzzle, somehow i get to see the picture on the box but i cant piece the jigsaw pieces together.
one word to describe.... C O M P L I C A T E D .
this is far worse then my bridging for maths.. more mind boggling and head spinning questions..
Wednesday, July 16
Merser started work this week at the concourse. yay! i've got another lunch/walking to the mrt buddy! 5 precious years of being in the same sec school and the same class in poly. love this girl to bits.
work is mundane as usual, nothing much to look forward to other then pay day! i think i'm gonna get my crumpler bag soon. =) like FINALLY after months of debating.
and i just realised that going to town at night on a weekday is bloody boring. urgh! singapore needs more nightlife!!! -_-'zz
i cant wait for the sentosa outing on Sat, and chilling out with Pats, Viv, Helms and Azahar. its been quite awhile since i last hung out with them as a group. Pat's going back to aussie in 2 weeks time...thats fast!! she just came back on sat. oh and Pats my pri sch mates,tgt with viv.
alright, am off to sch now. guys, i'm really alright. thanks for checking on me.. i'm really good. =)
love this girl to bits. =)
Tuesday, July 15
At this current moment, i don't know what to say or how to feel. But i thank you for letting me know things that i wished i hadnt knew. But, carrying on would definitely not be the best option because i'd be the one suffering in the end. Well....I have no idea if i should feel sad or relief. But all i know is that i'm greatly disappointed and i cant help but feel robbed of my feelings. I never imagined him to be who he is. well, i agree with what you said that i finally saw his true colours. Not exactly the most pleasant one, but well, at least i've seen it.And considering that i've thought sooo highly of him all these while. I think i've just wasted my time, but its never too late. =) I wished i've heeded their warning and advice right from the start,even before anythin started..but apparently, their words fell on deaf ears.And i can bet on a million bucks that my friends will spam me a million " I told you so! see what you've landed yourself into" .. i'm sorry guys! i know i'm stubborn. But its alright! you'll never know it until you've experienced it yourself. =)
Thanks for comforting me, but i know that i'm doing alright and life goes on. seriously, i'm pretty much lost for words and i'm just staring at the comp with a blank mind.
i just feel that it was all just a lie and a false front. sorry, i cant help feeling this way. but i wouldnt deny that i was happy. but that happiness that i had experienced, was it all just a show to make me happy??? you have everyone fooled.. at i'm trying hard to differentiate what was real and what was not. scary huh? and at the end of the day, i realised that i never really knew you at all. But it doesnt matter. =)
I am not mad nor am i very sad. I'm neither losing sleep nor crying because of a broken heart... Just feelin a lil more stonned then normal. I cant say i'm heart borken-heart broken..its more like pure disappointment... I have never really felt this much of a disappointment in my life or with someone before. Dont know how i should deal with it thou, but i guess it'll just fade away within this week and its gonna be another lesson in life... i shouldnt be so trusting anyway, thats my weakpoint .but somehow, after many incidents, i still have not learnt my lesson. rawr!!!
oh well, all i can say is Shit happens. and i'll deal with it.
enough of the emo yet not so emo shit. Dragon boat outing on sat. wonder if i should go..i wld have to rush home from sentosa and meet viv and gang.. Dance starts next thurs and wakeboarding the week after next.. $$$$ fly away.... gotta work extra hard ! Bridging exams around the corner and my maths still cmi.
oh well. i'm off to work now.
ciaos!
Friday, June 6
I cant believe i'm so bored to the extent that i actually created a livejornal account when i am already having trouble tryin to mantain this blog for the past 6 years and i actually shut it down for a year...well...i'm bored now.And I'm thinking of ways to maintain the 2 blogs . Dang!! If i delete this blog.. all my 821 posts wld be gone!! nooo...-heart pain-.I think i'll keep this blog la.it's been through the highs and lows with me.
Wished i've taken a day off. At least i can sit back and relax at home and feel lousy when my next pay cheque comes... hmmph! I'm afraid the director might leave his office any moment and i'm Doomed!!! seriously, this is boring to the maxxx!!Ah, whatever, i'll just follow everyone's advice." Chill and earn free money ".
Danced yest after a godzillion years. it feels good to be exercising again, am all rusty already. A perfect prove, my leg cramped up halfway while dancing even after all the stretching. Anyway, am a lil fed up with Yang. I seriously have no idea what is going on in his mind. And i can bet a thousand bucks if he reads this, he'll definitely say this to me,"Oh, you see! what kind of friend are you? know me for 8 years you still dont understand me! ok, byee. go find yourself another partner!!..". I've heard it a million times, and i'm kinda sick of it.
And the F**ked up Nic who claimed he dance hip hop and turned out to be a big fat liar. Took my crew SOOOO long to finally realise that he has been lying most of the time. But i'm glad they finally get to see the truth. ARGHH, screw it. i cant be bothered anymore. I want to dance but the sequence of events is making me lose interest in dance. i dont want that to happen to me. i grew up dancing, i dont want to give it up like that. i dont want to, but i really feel like it.I've spent 16 years of my life dancing... Maybe i should go back to Ballet. I hate it when i have to rely on someone to get something done. Example : Latin dance, you NEED a partner. without him, you're useless. Hip hop dance , you need a crew. i mean, you dont really do solo for that right?
Its sickening to have to worry that i'm gonna lose a partner anytime. I've changed like 4 bloody partners and EACH time i find a new partner. i have to start ALL OVER! total waste of money and time and whats the outcome? -a broken partnership because of committment problems. Well,I'm not the only one who's facing this problem. All the girls in Latin dance are too. For the 13 years that i've been in ballet, i've relied on no one but myself. Had no problems until i tore my ligament while practicing for a 3 day ballet performance in victoria theatre. the practice was crazy, and with 2 shows a day,my legs suffered. Totally loved it but it cost me an injury. And since then, my teacher and parents have been encouraging me to stop dancing. But i refused to give it up for a silly injury. My legs are screwed up, i know it. I can feel the pain everytime i dance.
sighs.
i've finally let it all out..
On a lighter note,was walking around Raffles City Shopping center and i decided to try my luck at the Crumpler Shop. Guess what !! I saw my favourite bag!!!!!! -jumps for joy- Not sure if i still wanna get it though. its $98 bucks, adn 10% off with UOB cards.But its still a lil pricey...
this is the bag i wanted to get.
But... i saw this other bag..
and i quite like this too!
hmm...
I want soo many things but when it actually comes to buying it, i'll a decade to decide whether i want buy it.hmm...
i'm alright with spending around $40-$50 on bags and clothes.. but anything more then that i'm kinda unwilling to spend.
oh well, i'll think about it for awhile, i can predict i'll take another month to decide, and once i've decided..i hope the bags wont be outta stock!... hmmmm........
Wednesday, March 26
5 days of hardcore dancing is no joke. supposed to be dancing today, but my body cannot take it anymore.. its seriously overworked!!!
am dying here...
urgh!!
Saturday, March 22
This is crazy!
Wednesday, February 27
cheryl is offically broke now..
donations please?? hahahaa...
Tuesday, February 26
With you - chris brown
I need you boo I gotta see you boo And the hearts all over the world tonight Said the hearts all over the world tonight I need you boo I gotta see you boo And the hearts all over the world tonight Said the hearts all over the world tonight
Hey lil mama Oo u a stunna Hot little figure Yes you a winner And I'm so glad to be yours You're a class all your own And oh little cutie When you talk to me I swear the whole world stops You're my sweetheart And I'm so glad that your mine You are one of a kind
And you mean to me What I mean to you And together baby There is nothin we won't do Cuz if I got you I don't need money I don't need cars Girl you're my all
And oh I'm into you And girl no one else would do Cuz with every kiss And every hug You make me fall in love And now I Know I can't be the only one I bet its hearts all over the world tonight With the love of they life Who feel What I feel when I'm With you, with you, with you, with you, with you Girl With you, with you, with you, with you, with you
I don't want nobody else Without you theres no one left and You're like Jordans on Saturday I gotta have you and I can not wait now Hey little shorty Say you care for me You know I care for you You know that I'll be true You know that I won't lie You know that I will try To be your everything
Cuz if I got you I don't need money I don't need cars Girl you're my all
And I Will never try to deny That your are my whole life Cuz if you Ever let me go I would die So I won't front I don't need another woman I just need your all or nothing Cuz if I got that Then I'll be straight Baby you're the best part of my day
I need you boo I gotta see you boo And the hearts all over the world tonight Said the hearts all over the world tonight They need they boo They gotta see they boo A nd the hearts all over the world tonight Hearts all over the world tonight
Wednesday, February 6
fuck, i think i just screwed up my life at this very moment.
Monday, February 4
to Char :
Thank you for always being there for me. for always reminding me of who i really am.. thank you for the love and care you've showered upon me. thank you for being such a patient friend.. thank you for seeing me through the good and bad times... and i thank you for your support...
i dont know how i'd be without you.. i am thankful for not letting go of our friendship..
i love you girl.. and i know you love me too. =)
Friday, February 1
OMG OMG OMG... ITS FRIDAY!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!! TGIF! its the LAST day of school... i am so gonna study hard and GRADUATE!! GRADUATE I MUST!! oh i love it...
this brings me 2 weeks closer to my driving test and my exams... and Valentine's Day falls on my study week.... AS UAUAL... nevermind la! its just a cut throat day..
Random thoughts.. I LOST 3 KG!!!! tt makes me 40kg!!! WOOHOO!!!! i can wear my tubes now.. so exciting.... something that i've always dreamt of. I really felt that i am what i was when i had my photoshoot... -drools-
If you have it, flaunt it!! besides, i'm glad only my tummy went, my assets are still as 1! woohoo!!
just as i wanted.... free and easy, without pressure, and i've done it!!! I FEEL GOOD! Never been better...
This is the kind of life i want, with no extra pressure(the unnecessary ones). I've gained back my self confidence for the past 2 weeks, i really feel good bout myself. things havent been going the way i expected, but i'm still happy nevertheless.
Been talking to a few friends of mine, they commented that i've been much happier then i was for the last year.. I'm not sure if its the front i've been putting up or is it real. but for now, i'll just enjoy this happy feeling.
Tuesday, January 29
3 more days till SATURDAY!!! ohhh i cant wait... i really cant wait!! -claps hands in excitement-
i can seeeee... see something.... whahahaahahaha~~~
ooo, i just cant wait.. so exciting!!!
actually, i don't have to wait till Saturday.. Lets count down to FRIDAY!!! 2 more days!!!! and i can see something!!! Mwhahahahah!!!!!!!!!!
and i will only disclose what that something is ,at a later date.. not now, because i haven seen that too. =)
oh no oh dear, so crazy.. crazily exciting...
Monday, January 28
Urgh! goin nuts. pre-examinations stress.. Urgh!! need to unwind, i wanna dance!
cant wait for sat to come..
i don't know what to think... cheryl is confused. she doesnt know which way to go..
Sunday, November 25
I used to believe things were going to work out. for the short time we've been together, i've been showering you with my love, supported you emotionally, trying to give you the best that i could. I even treated you better than my ex boyfriend,the guy whom i really really did like so much.
There were many things about you I disliked at the beginning. Your attitude,i totally disliked the way you portray yourself, the way you talked, tactless and it offends people. Your temper, it pisses me off totally. But becaused i liked you, i stuck with you, believing that things would change someday.I stayed by your side, not a single time did i ever strayed or laid my eyes on some other guy. I soon put the dislikes all behind me, and everytime i looked at you, I saw you as a perfect person.
Yes, you may be a "good boyfriend" doing things that is very pleasing to the eyes. What i call the superficial things that could be done easily, anyone can do it just by putting in a lil effort. Things like picking me up from places, buying gifts, showing concern.But what you missed out, the most important thing in a relationship. Is the emotional support. For a long period of time, i felt that you've been putting me down with everything i did. I tolerated it, and always gave in to you. Doing things your way, if you didnt like something, i'd change it . It was all about you you and you. "You don't like this way, you don't like me to look this way, you don't like me to act this way,don't like me to dress this way, don't like me to talk this way, don't like me to do things this way", and i want you to change change change. It all seemed right, because i was blinded by love, forgetting about myself, giving up the things i wanted, changing my ways. Losing weight for you, changing my mindset for you. Yes, I swear i didnt mind doing anything and everything for you. So what have you given me? Support? no. you still critised me for everything. Not showing any encouragement, just pure disappointment in anything i couldnt do it right, the way you want it to be. Emotional turmoil i've been through, I've lost my confidence, lost my self esteem, lost my backbone, lost my will and determination. You've made me lose this all.
Yes, I may not be perfect, but you're not perfect either, you pretty much as flawed as me. But i chose to ignore it, why cant you?
I've been giving in, so much so that you've climbed all over me, over my head and now you look down on me, despise me,well, this is how i feel.
Have you ever thought bout your actions that will affect people? you always talk to me about that. But have you considered bout your actions and words that would affect me? No, because it was all about you, not me, because I amflawed and i have to be perfect, perfect for you. You claimed that you love me, thousand and one times, but actions speak louder than words. And your actions and your words showed otherwise.
Your friends don't know how to get through to you, and so do I, they asked me to think for my happiness, but time and again, i chose to be with you. Not heeding all the advises.
You've sucked my emotions and energy dry, i have none left for you anymore. For a long long time.
You've been asking me to try and work things out with you again. to give it another shot..
And yet again, i'll still give you the same answer, " i will never want to be with you again, not now. not in the future. NEVER"
Monday, August 6
" Don't hold on to your pain,just let it go. Dont have to stay with someone who makes you cry, you'll end up killing all the love you have inside "
how true this is... it really kills the love inside. Or should I say, it makes you numb and thats when you block out all the love. And you will not reciprocate the love that your partner shows for you.
Its sad that people can destroy the love that they have, How sad that this love can be killed. In such a short time, love can be buried 13 feet under ground.
Or maybe its buried behind this uber thick wall of pain.
Friday, July 27
In Loving Memory of my favourite uncle. 25 July 2007 I will miss you , thank you for bringing me up. You wil be remembered.
The past few days had be rather chaotic. Been rushing to and from school and to my uncle's wake. I have not been taking his passing very well, I feel pretty lost. but thanks to zexi, he's been giving me his support. So it isnt that bad.. But i know he's in a great place now.
Saturday, July 21
bumped into this guyfriend of mine whom i had a crush on when i was in sec 2.. looking back,it was kinda silly, we met in a sec 2 leadership camp, this camp consisted of many different sec sch and i thought he was cute because he had rosy cheeks...
apparently,he could remember that i was from St.Margs .. well,good enough.. and we chatted for a lil while..
well,today is gonna be a long day, i've gotta deal with many things. i wish someone could take this load from me..
i know the right guy for me will come when i'm older.. i know he isnt the one for me. but right now, i just feel so miserable.. when you're in a relationship,there're bound to be conflicting of interest.this i cant deny. but,i feel that on my part,i've already tried my best to recify some things. but it doesnt seem "enough"... i feel that for the 3 months of my life,i've been told off hundreds of times. everythin thing i do doesnt seem right... even if i try,it isnt "remorseful" according to him.. not sincere....and the list goes on.
many times i just grit my teeth and accept it with grace.. but there are some times,i feel its too much..
i'm sorry, i cant be with you.
Friday, July 20
I miss you, i wished nothing changed between us.. its been so long. and the last time you told me you still loved me..
so where has that love gone?
where has it gone to?
Lips Of An Angel
Honey why you callin me so late It's kinda hard to talk right now Honey why you cryin Is everything ok I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well my boy's in the next room Sometimes I wish he was you I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice Sayin my name It sounds so sweet Comin from the lips of an angel Hearin those words It makes me weak
And I Dont Never want to say goodbye But boy you make it hard to be faithful With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're callin me tonight And yes I dreamt of you too Does he know your talkin' to me? Will it start a fight? No, I don't think he has a clue
Well, my boys in the next room Sometimes I wish he was you I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice Sayin my name It sounds so sweet Comin from the lips of an angel Hearin those words It makes me weak
And I Dont Never want to say goodbye But boyl you make it hard to be faithful With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice Sayin my name it sounds so sweet Comin from the lips of an angel Hearin those words It makes me weak
And I Dont Never want to say goodbye But boy you make it hard to be faithful With the lips of an angel Never want to say goodbye
Honey why you callin me so late?
'if only you had loved me for me and not change when you started uni. i was being an ass to break up with you. But i wasnt happy. And i hope you're happy with the other Cheryl now. Its nice that you've moved on.
i miss you.....
like hell....
Thursday, July 5
Its Not Over- Chris Daughtry
I was blown away What could I say It all seemed to make sense You've taken away everything And I can't deal with that.
I try to see the good in life but good things in life are hard to find We'll blow it away, blow it away Can we make this something good?
Well I'll try to do it right this time around Let's start over Try to do it right this time around It's not over Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground This love is killin me But you're the only one It's not over
I've taken all I can take And I cannot wait We're wastin too much time Bein strong, holdin on Can't let it bring us down
My life with you means everything So I won't give up that easily I'll blow it away, blow it away Can we make this something good? Cause it's all misunderstood
Well I'll try to do it right this time around Let's start over Try to do it right this time around It's not over Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground This love is killin me But you're the only one It's not over
We can't let this get away Let it out, let it out Don't get caught up in yourself Let it out
Let's start over We'll try to do to it right this time around It's not over Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground. This love is killin me But you're the only one It's not over
Wednesday, July 4
Don't Get Me Wrong-Westlife
Don’t get me wrong I’ve played my part and it’s over I’m tired of being strong For hiding that I'm not yeah Don’t get me wrong You've played your part and I think you know This love's for real It’s time to show just how I feel
Time after time I refuse to see why I can't go on without you by my side
Baby I just wanted you to know that if you care you could be part of my life Baby don’t you know we could be doing this forever and be doing all right yeah Time after time this moment’s been on my mind Now I've left it behind oh don’t get me wrong
Don’t get me wrong You bruised my heart and it’s aching It won’t take you long To see that I'm in pain Don’t get me wrong If you run off now you’d sure be mistaking This love’s so real And baby this is how I feel yeah
Time after time I’ve been trying to deny I can’t go on without you by my side
Baby I just wanted you to know that if you care you could be part of my life Baby don’t you know we could be doing this forever and be doing all right yeah Time after time this moment’s been on my mind Now I've left it behind just don’t get me wrong
Don’t get me wrong no, no baby oh yeah Time after time I’ve been trying to deny I need the nearness of you to get by Baby I just wanted you to know that if you care you could be part of my life Baby don’t you know we could be doing this forever and be doing all right no, no Time after time this moment’s been on my mind Now I've left it behind, don’t get me wrong
Baby I just wanted you to know that if you care you could be part of my life Baby don’t you know we could be doing this forever and be doing all right Time after time this moment’s been on my mind now I've left it behind I've left it behind don’t get me wrong
Sunday, June 24
Had my 1st ever dancesports national competition @ NTU. so exciting, i was pretty upset tt we didnt make it to the semis but i'm happy still. thanks partner!! it was a great experience for me and i truly enjoyed myself,i wasnt nervous at all. which i thought was pretty surprizing.
and the most amazing thing happened today.
i woke up in the morning to prepare for the competition,with this dreadful feeling tt no one was gonna come watch me.. mum and dad werent gonna come, my baby's on a family trip to thailand. how sad right... but....... i was wrong. while at NTU, i was just walking around and suddenly a bouquet of sunflowers appeared in my face..
i was delighted,overjoyed....
Zexi came!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=)
and so he was the camera man for the day...
Presenting my not so purrfect ChaChaCha..
Ngee Ann Dancesports!!!!!!!!!
me and my partner!!
i'm happy..
Wednesday, June 20
Dancesports National's around the corner. i think i've pretty much mastered my chacha routine. i'm pretty upset and disheartened because me and my partner cant complete a routine properly. if he forgets,he just walks away.. how am i to feel encouraged like this?
and i'm not too sure if zexi is gonna go to watch me because he might be in thailand. sighs.. i don't feel too happy.
my r/s isnt smooth sailing either.. just tryin to get through this rough patch...
rarrrr!!!!
i do hope things will be fine..
sighs
Wednesday, June 13
the week hasnt exactly started off the way i wanted it to be. but i will survive.
i can make it on my own,i know i can. but i guess i'll try with you again..
i stil believe,if its meant to be,it'll be.
i know i've told you you're not the one for me. maybe i might change my mind. but you really broke my heart. but i'll put it all aside now.
What Hurts The Most -Rascal Flatts I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house That don’t bother me I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while Even though going on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most Was being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go But I’m doin’ It It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone Still Harder Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret But I know if I could do it over I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart That I left unspoken
What hurts the most Is being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you That’s what I was trying to do
Monday, June 11
I don't know how this is supposed to be done. every relationship that i have is always Fucked up in some ways.
I know i might not be the Best Girlfriend material. But i'm definitely sure,friggin sure, I WILL NOT CHEAT ON MY BOYFRIEND. My conscious is extremely clear.
I just want someone to try and understand me. Someone who is patient like me. Is it too much to ask for?
Guys can never understand girls.
Maybe I'm still not ready. Maybe this isnt the time..
Maybe...
But i'm still trying.
Sunday, June 10
my chest hurts when i breathe... feeling depressed.
i was beginning to feel that we could work out, but after what you said to me, it hurt like fuck. i never imagined you would ever used that phrase.Never. but i was so wrong. now,a part of me's dying. and i'm beginning to feel numb...
Thursday, June 7
Let Me Let Go - Faith Hill
I thought it was over, baby We said our goodbyes But I can't go a day Without your face Going through my mind
In fact, not a single minute Passes without you in it Your voice, your touch Memories of your love Are with me all of the time
Let me let go, baby Let me let go If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart Are you still in my soul Let me let go
I talked to you the other day Looks like you made your escape You put us behind No matter how i try I can't do the same
Let me let go, baby Let me let go It just isn't right I've been two thousand miles Down a dead-end road Let me let go
Let me let go, darlin', won't you I just gotta know If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart Are you still in my soul Let me let go
The lights of this strange city are shining But they don't hold no fascination for me I try to find the bright side baby But everywhere I look Everywhere I turn You're all I see
Let me let go, baby won't you Let me let go It just isn't right I've been two thousand miles Down a dead-end road
Oh let me let go, darlin', won't youI just gotta know If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart You're still in my soul Let me let go, why don't you Let me let go...
1 Last paper, and i'm FREE!!!!(from common test that is) and i have to start my 4 projects,they are due after 2 weeks of break.. sighs. what kind of break is that man.. oh well,i cant wait for paper to end tml. 10am and i'm a freeman! 11am's my facial,bringing Bee Hsing along.. 2pm's driving and after my lesson.... I AM MEETIN WENLING!!!
omg i do miss her like crazy... its been 137461394 years since i last went out with her.
and after my exams,i can finally dance dance dance! must practice hard for my dance,competition's only less than a month away.. dance my nights away!!! weeeee!!!! i go high just thinking about it. =p
Sunday, June 3
i hate the roller coaster emotional unbalance state of my mind. at this very moment,i'm struggling to tackle the heavy load of AUDITING. URGH!!!!! -pulls a whole chunk of hair out-
alright, i've done ranting and raving bout my common test. i shall go back to studying.
Monday, May 28
monday blues,monday blues. please chase away my monday blues..
Sunday, May 27
i feel terrible and miserable.
fucking shit load of projects, struggling to meet the date lines...
i cant seem to do things right. He isnt helping.
i'm feeling worse. trying to keep myself together.. nothing's helping
i really feel like giving up.
i really do.
Sunday, May 13
thanks for the wonderful time you've spent with me.
it certainly was really very heart warming to be near you once again.
=)
caught 'Spiderman' today..
i like...
oh,and did you know that mini toons is now selling this super cute octopus stuffed toy??
its uber cute!!!
sweetheart claims it looks like me..
but i think i'm cuter than it...bahaha..kiddin'
and thanks for sucha wonderful anniversary present.
and the shopping spree!!!
=)
started my drivin lessons..
think i'm not fit for driving..
am totally lost..
i wanna be a tai tai...
mwahahahaha!!!!
=p
Friday, May 11
for the whole journey to sch today,i was in a daze. going to sch with a heavy heart.
felt like crap.
i hate this feeling,but i cant help feeling this way. and i don't know how to get outta it.
sighs...
Monday, May 7
Life is beautiful,as long as you're here with me..
'And did i tell you that i love you tonight...
Saturday, April 28
things haven been goin really well for me. so i'm just struggling to get by everyday. praying that i'll have the strength to go thru the day.
i have no idea whats going thru my mind. i know i'm all mixed up inside.
i don't know what to think about,how to feel..
i'm happy yet unhappy..
i really don't know
really hate it..
Thursday, April 26
i don't understand why a FAT-ASS can start a friggin fight over 30 bucks? are you so hard up for money? or are you craving for some attention because you're so fat.
To the Blardy Fat guy in my Tax 2 lecture,his name is JOHN..
1) I would like to express my total disgust at your outlook. You are FAT,UGLY(i think ugly is an overstatement). YOU ARE HIDEOUS...
2) You have C-cup Breasts and it was a total turn off. Please,if you wanna ask someone to wack you, I BEG YOU.. PLEASE do NOT stick your chest out or hit yourself on the chest..
I would like to let you know. YOUR FATTY BREASTS JIGGLES..
omgomgomgomg... i'm turnging green just by typing this out... let alone imagine it.. -starts puking-
3) Didnt your mama told you,never to interrupt a lecture.. i know you're dying for attention..
BUT hasnt anyone told you..
NO ONE IS LOOKIN AT YOU!!! you fucking fat-so..
NOW LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.. blardy ass-NO-hole...
Wednesday, April 11
i wonder if this is going anywhere...
Sunday, April 1
went for my 1st private dance classes on fri @ tamp.. so darn far,gotta travel half of spore just to get there. luckily wan and sham lives there. now tt the break force crew's out, sham and wan are free!!! so i met them after dance and caught up with them.. it was a really nice time meeting up with them after 123641237642193764213 years. =)
'i really wanna dance again..
Wednesday, March 14
My boyfriend is an angel...
Happy 1st month sweetheart !!!!!
i've been really really happy.. thank you .. =)
Wednesday, March 7
it was a shaky experience. failed btt.. baby met me,was talkin to him in his car.. and....
our car shook.. i was wondering what tt was.and i saw the vehicles beside the car shook too.. EARTHQUAKE!!! YEAH!!! but too bad,the roads didnt split.. mwahahahaha!!!!
sweetheart, thanks for everything you've done. now you've done more than me..
Tuesday, March 6
wonderful day. even thou i burnt my finger cooking lunch and got branded like the cows/pigs.. it was worth it..
for that smile = priceless
Sunday, March 4
finally,after months of hardcore debating, i bought the phone for my daddy. its not about the money..
like baby said, buying him a phone doesnt stop him from seeing her. he still has his line and she can still contact him.
sighs,i bought the phone with a heavy heart. i just didnt wanna think bout what'd happen.
my greatest fear... instead of using the phone i gave him, ...... he gives it to that woman.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............
damn,i'm gettin paranoid here.. sighs...
Saturday, March 3
sweetheart brought up this issue bout me and daddy. i was pretty lost and had mixed feelings.
when i think bout daddy, i'll think about the family.
are we happy?
here i am keeping the greatest secret of all.. and i feel terrible keeping this darkest secret from her. sighs. i really hate being me now.
relationship. i'm scared,i admit,i'm scared. how much hope can i put in? once bitten twice shy.
what am i to expect. look at my dad, how can i think positively????
sighs...
i really don't know..
i keep havin doubts bout myself. i just dont know how to handle them..
